What on earth are you looking for?

One of the funny features of WordPress is the fact that on your Dashboard/Configuration page, you can choose to have a list of all the search engine terms that people use to more or less accidentally stumble upon your page. Many a time, I’ve had quite a few laughs while browsing these lists. I mean, some of the search terms make sense. I can understand why terms such as “garden’s tale lyrics” and “do you have the time to listen to me whine” lands people here.. But some are just plain baffling. Here is a short list of some of the most common (and confusing) terms that people use to find this blog – and some indirect answers to your reader questions:

• “Joss Stone thong” – Really, what the hell? You know what, here you go:

 

I honestly don’t know why, but I get this request at least once every damn day, and since I live to please..

• “Dress up Penny proud” – What does that even mean?

• “How much sugar in a bottle of Smirnoff” – Not that I know why you’d come here looking for the answer to such a question, but my friend, the answer you’re looking for is “none”, unless you go for those vile flavored kinds, of course.

• “Mojito Ron Zacapa 23″ – The short and easy answer to your question is “NO! BAD MONKEY!” – Thou shalt not make mojitos out of Zacapa 23 year-old. What the hell is wrong with you? Use Havana Club 3 years, or Matusalem Platino if you’re affected by the US embargo. 23 year old rum in a mixed drink.. Dear Lord!

• “Dress up dead people” – Again, that’s a big no, no.. The coroner would be rather upset, too, I reckon.

• “How many calories in a bottle of rum/vodka/etc” – 1792.5 (40-proof) but really, who’s counting?