A story from a few weeks ago. Note: The following is based on true events!
Thud! The sickening sound of Christian’s body hitting the pavement came as shocking and unexpected as his idea to pick up a pacifier up off the street and start kicking it all over the place. Luckily, the thud was followed by a burst of contagious laughter from Christian. “Alright, we’re still drunk,” I thought as the girls and I watched Christian pick himself up from the pavement and struggle onwards proclaiming loudly that he was okay and that nobody had seen what had just happened. “Fuck,” I continued, “how’d things ever get this far out of control?”
To find out how our heroes ended up in this nasty predicament, we’ll have to rewind the clock some 24 hours: The date was January 12th, we were in the process if studying for our marketing communication and the Fantastic Four (Tina, Zascha, Christian and Johan) were meeting to discuss our assignment, have a few drinks and cook dinner.
Being the well-prepared person that I am, I showed up early at Tina’s to “discuss” our assignment. Zascha was there, too, bringing her expertise and a couple of strong lagers to help fuel the thought process. Ideas were exchanged, thoughts were shared, opinions were offered, brains were being put to good use.. Heck, I think we may have even dwelled on our assignments for a few minutes. Actually, the imminent arrival of Christian proved a relief as things were actually getting borderline serious. Luckily, Christians arrival, and more importantly the food and 24 pack of strong lager he was carrying, spelled the end to any hopes of a night spend on serious studies. “Thank God,” I muttered under my breath.
Popping up the first couple of beers came easy for our heroes, as they were soon left alone by the girls who opted to go shopping rather than enjoy our fabulous company. Left cold and alone with nothing to do to pass the time, popping open a few cold ones and hooking my laptop up to Tina’s speakers seemed the only reasonable thing to do and therefor happened without any noticeable objections. Talks were had and as there were still no objections, another beer was opened after almost an hour of nursing our first adventure into the realm of Swedish strong lagers.
Well into our second beer, the girls finally came back and gave us an excuse to consume another beer just for the sake of being gentlemen and having a drink with the ladies before I got started on dinner which was to be my spin on Kung Pao chicken (link). A dish that proved surprisingly difficult to make without the use of a wok but never the less succeeded quite well, and went down extremely well with a bottle of KWV Chardonnay and proved better still when chased by a bottle of red wine of the obscure variety.
By this time, the clock had about passed 9 PM, and we figured we had deserved a cup of Irish Coffee each. Christian was to prepare the coffees so we knew we were in for a treat.. And boy were we, he actually managed to split an entire bottle of whisky over all of six cups of coffee. In other words, coffee with a punch! By now, we’d probably reached the root of the problem of our heroes’ two days intoxication trip. After all, we had managed to share two bottles of wine, a bottle of whisky and a few beers between the four of us.. In the course of five hours, and evidently we were only getting started.
At any rate, we were soon hanging from the rafters, dancing about (totally fucking up our calves in the process, great!) and singing at the top of our lungs.. Yet, the day after we were all wondering about soreness, bruises and what have you.. Yep, I guess it’s safe to say we’d reached our point of perceived invincibility by then! And things were only getting started. We still had about 20 beers to share between the lot of us.. Which, admittedly proved somewhat disastrous.. Or so, I think.
Admittedly the details of the rest of the evening escape me. Obviously we drank the rest of the beer as I remember Christian and I raiding the fridge for whatever was left by the time we were getting ready to leave. Christian, of course, denies all knowledge of – and part in – this, but I’m still pretty sure he was in on this. I naturally wouldn’t do something like this on my own. Tina, in the meantime was busy burning herself on her straightening iron as the girls evidently had some idea that they were going clubbing that evening, a perfectly reasonable thing to do at 4:30 in the morning! Whatever Zascha was doing at the time, none of us remember.. It doesn’t matter that much, anyways, a few minutes later (I think!) we were all out the door.
What happened next remains somewhat of a mystery to this day. I remember some sort of confrontation, but I don’t think any one of us to this day remember exactly what it was all about. At any rate after some yelling and a detour into an alley way to avoid a possible 500 DKR fine for urinating in public, Christian and I were suddenly on our own, prancing down the street, or more like staggering probably.. At this point, we also ran into Ricki and had some sort of conversation with him and his buddy Johan, until they mentioned something about us being shit drunk and took off. Which gave our heroes ample time to stagger on to an underpass on the way to Johan’s with every intend of making use of the echo to perform a beautiful, chilling version of Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” .. Only once we got there, we were obviously too drunk to remember the lyrics, resulting in a rather weak attempt of just singing the guitar riff before we stumbled on home.
Safely back at my place, we opened up a half bottle of wine that we had so rudely stolen from Tina and sat down to enjoy a bit of Metallica.. At least that’s what I figure happened after I woke the next morning and found Metallica’s Reload album stuck in my CD-drive.. After that, I recall absolutely nothing.. Before waking up the next morning to see Christian bouncing around my bedroom, making a right wreckage and yelling about going shopping bacon and eggs.. How Christian must’ve looked while stumbling through the local supermarket in search for food, I can only imagine. I only vaguely remember going back to sweet, soothing sleep before I was once again rudely woken by Christian who is now trying to force me out of bed by slapping me repeatedly with a package of bacon.. Umm.. Alright, then.. I suppose it was time to get up after all!
So, I got up, we had breakfast, sat around and talked for a while, I actually didn’t notice we were still drunk until the point where we suddenly started singing along to “House of the Rising Sun” at the top of our lungs, calling up the girls and telling them we were coming over, then staggering down to a local supermarket to buy a few cheap lagers and be on our way. When we made it to Tina’s, the girls were still eating breakfast, giving us a few weird looks as we burst in the door, bearing beers and what not. After a short period of sitting around talking, we went and watched TV for a while which proved an awesome way of winding down and relaxing after a hard night out.. So relaxing, actually, that I nearly fell asleep on Tina’s bed for an hour or so, my cap thankfully shielding my face and eyes from the light of the sun.
After a few hours of blissful rest, Tina had to go to work, or in other words, we got kicked the fuck out.. We all walked together down to Zascha’s and it was while on our way down there that Christian suddenly stumbled upon an old child pacifier that somebody had dropped and decided “Hey, wouldn’t it be fun to see just how high and far I could kick this damn thing?”