I’d just like to say, that I sympathise with all modern world women.. After just having hand to just once go through the process of being prettified and then having to struggle with make-up remover and what not to get myself cleaned up for a family visit, I fully understand and appreciate the pain and struggles you go through to look pretty for us blokes.. But let’s just take it from the start, eh?
Friday evening marked the real start/opening of the new student house in Kolding. To properly kick things off, they’d decided to throw a kickass costume party/dress-up thing. Which looked like a promising way to kick things off, and ended up being one of the funniest parties I’d ever taken part in! As you can probably tell from the pictures recently uploaded to my Flickr account, people were there to have fun, dress up in all sorts of crazy manners and get ever so slightly wasted. There’d been a lot of discussion as to what our group was gonna wear. Personally I didn’t really want to get dressed up, but Zascha and others agreed that I should and that I could at least go as a metalhead which was sorta fine by me as it only involved getting an extra band shirt and borrow some studs somewhere. As luck would have it, Dunkel owned a studded leather wrist band and Zascha was the proud owner of a ditto belt, so that was sorta the end of that discussion.. At least for the time being.
Now, here’s a little known, crazy and somewhat scary fact: Zascha and I (and Tina for that matter) are actually able to fit into the same jeans and trouser sizes (if you don’t know why we know this, trust me: You don’t wanna know!), so Zascha got the brilliant idea that she should borrow my suit and show up as a gangster which also after a test fitting proved an awesome idea, my trousers actually looked better on her which is really just kinda sad, but on the other hand I finally found someone with smaller shoulders than me, yay, making the jacket a tad bit too large for her.. After a lot of speculation, Tina rightfully decided to dress up as cow girl, borrowing a white cowboy hat from my crazy hat collection to finish off her outfit. Christian had to work from 6:30 AM the day after the party, so he only had about an hour to spend there. As a result, he wisely chose to show up dressed up as himself.
Ah, but I’m getting ahead of myself. First and foremost, I should mention that we kicked off the day at uni in one of the computer labs, pretending to do some serious work. Failing that, we went to Zascha’s had a beer, the girls had some lunch and then we were off to the Student House to help a bit with preparations for the night’s party. At around 5-ish the girls went for some last minute shopping while Christian and I went to Tina’s to get started on dinner.. But of course we made a stop at a store on the way to get, you guessed it, beer! Since I’d sorta one upped Christian on the last round we shared, he got to pay and chose – naturally he opted for the 9% alcohol by volume extra strong lager on the top shelf of the fridge.. I should’ve known better, but being the daredevil I was, I went along. The first mistake in what proved to be a line of many that evening.
So yea, food. Cooking went pretty smoothly, I’d opted for something easy so we could get it done in due time, eat quickly and be out the door.. We didn’t have all that much time to spare, after all, since we had to be back at the Student house at 7:30 and were scheduled to eat at 6:15 when Emelie and her friend Marlene were supposed to arrive. Actually, they were supposed to arrive at 6, but we all know Em 😉
The girls from out of town actually did arrive at just about 6:15 and immediately started prettying themselves up which pretty much meant that we now had four girls occupying one bathroom which posed a bit of a problem as we boys were not only trying to get the food on the table, but also had to p*ss like a couple of pregnant women after having thrown down the beers and a glass of wine. After a bit of argueing back and forth and a bit of a trip to the outside for me, we were finally ready and prettied up for dinner at about 6:45. Leaving us some 25 minutes to eat before the girls decided that real metalheads wore make-up and that because I was a real metalhead for the evening, I also had to wear make-up! Okay, maybe it was kinda my idea as well, but I’d have never gone along had I been aware of the consequences. So Emelie dragged me to the bathroom and had her wicked way with my eyes.. Probably the only time I’ve not enjoyed having her full attention.. Because lets be honest here, putting on eye makeup is a very uncomfortable experience if you’re not used to it!
Emelie finished her torture of the poor Johan just in time for them to catch a cab to the Student House and for Christian and I to present our take on cleaning up the dishes before heading out ourselves. To be honest, our take on cleaning up just meant throwing every kind of leftover imagineable into a pot, placing it in the fridge, and piling all the dishes up in the kitchen.. But then, we were in a hurry, so it was acceptable! After a short walk, we then, too, found ourselves at the Student House, ready to kick off the party.
Tina, Zascha and I had the first shift behind the bar, so we, along with the other bartenders, were given a briefing by Jakob who, by the way, had decided on an oversized, pink fairy costume.. His deep voice, the cigarette in his hand and his costume combining into the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen in my life, giving me a hard time actually taking the briefing even remotely serious. Yet I somehow managed to struggle through the briefing without coming up with too many comments about him being a fairy fuck.
The first few hours of the party were actually really quiet and mostly figured regulars from the Uboat doing what we Uboat people do best when business is slow: Getting wasted out of our minds! Zascha was in 7th heaven as she’d found out that the bar had stocked up on Tequila.. I had a shot with her for the sake of Auld Lang Syne while she had a shot with pretty much everybody else at the bar.. But hey, at DKK 6 (less that one USD) a pop, how could you blame her? Christian, as mentioned earlier, had to leave early which was probably helpful for me as it helped me somewhat slow down my beer consumption.. Which is not to say I didn’t have my fair share, I most certainly did, but I didn’t end up dead or anything.. A huge plus!
After finishing my shift at the bar, I was pretty much all over the place, enjoying the music, dancing about, listening to the live show (yea, we had a live band, too, good times!), taking crazy pictures of people and just generally chatting.. I even ran into Mette who had tagged along with Penny, and got to talk to her (and Penny) for the first time in like.. years? ages? Anyways, good times!
Memorable moments of the evening included: Meeting some guy who’d shown up dressed as Optimus Prime from The Transformers (How awesome is THAT?! Right, you real geeks out there know what I’m talking about!), Mr. Anderson dressing up as a “sick-of-my-life” gothic death metaller, Tina’s friend Robert dressing up as a mighty pirate – the likes of which has never been seen since mighty Guybrush Threepwood, a group of friends showing up as a complete police SWAT team (from Danish comedy tv fame), said SWAT team identifying Mr. Anderson as a potential threat and deciding to take him down, and somehow having my ear licked by some chick and not realizing until a few days later when Tina points at the picture asking me what the hell I was doing/thinking.. And so much more.. All I can say is if you were not there, tough luck, you probably missed out on the party of a life-time 😉
Due to demands and regulations, we had to stop serving people at 2 AM, but somehow the party still dragged on till around 3:30 when I finally managed to convince people that we really should be leaving. When we finally got out the door, we realised to our shock and horror that the entire city had been hit by a shower of freezing rain, making the trip home even more dangerous than it was already in my condition. I think I must’ve slipped at least three times on the way home which was made even more embarrassing by the fact that Emelie and Marlene were to sleep over at my place so they were walking along side of me when said slippings occurred. Or well, they were walking along side me for the major part of the trip home. Right up until Zascha called me saying that she’d been abandoned by the guy who had promised to walk her home. Naturally this meant I had to send the girls home on their own and go locate Zascha and make sure she got home alright.. Which pretty much involved us walking uphill clung to eachother, trying desperately not to fall over on the slippery sidewalk.. Not an easy task, but we did manage.. And I even managed to find my way back home again without hurting myself in any major ways.. Woohoo!
I think the hour was quickly approaching 4 AM when I finally staggered in through the door, said goodnight to the girls and went to try and remove the damn make-up around my eyes before eventually just giving up and crashing on the couch for a few hours.
I was really kinda confused when my alarm clock went off the next morning but then I remembered I’d promised to return Dunkel’s wrist band before noon, so I’d have to be on my way.. Not really thinking, and still not able to locate any make-up remover, I just headed out the door, not realising how ridiculous I must’ve looked before people on the street started staring in my general direction.. Oh well, no need to turn back, I’d actually made it almost all the way down to Dunkel’s before I got an SMS from Iben saying that Dunkel and her were stuck in another city and couldn’t get home so I needn’t worry about the wrist band.. Heh! Oh well, I dropped the band in his mailbox and since I had money on my pocket anyways, I decided to go get some things to prepare breakfast for the girls and I.. Something that once again proved a lot of fun due to the interesting make-up scheme I had going for me. I eventually found out that all I had to do was keep my gaze towards the ground, and if people did decide they had to ask what was going on, I just told them that life hurt a lot at that time and they’d quickly leave me alone.
It wasn’t till I’d made breakfast for the girls and we’d spend a few hours on the couch that Zascha finally showed up as my guardian angel and handed me some waterproof make-up remover so I could finally get my face somewhat clean and still, even so, I felt like I had to struggle forever to get it off and no matter what hardships I went through, I still couldn’t get the whole thing off.. Which is why I now have a completely new-found appreciation for women and the troubles that they go through for our sake.. Geeze! I’ll surely never do that again.. Probably.. Well, at least not until same time next year.. Fuck, I don’t know, all I know is we had a blast, and Christian, I’m sorry you missed out, bro, but your liver must be loving you right now!