My phobia

Hello, my name is Johan and I have a confession to make: For the past 8 odd months, I’ve been suffering from an acute, irrational fear of salmon. In its cooked form! Smoked salmon has gone down well, as has cured, marinated, gravlax.. Heck, even salmon sushi! But cooked fillet of salmon has been a big, big culinary fear of mine.. Why? Well, let’s just say that when you stumble out of a bathroom some 18 hours after consuming said dish, clocking in at around 5 kilos lighter than you did when you first sat down to eat.. You naturally grow a little apprehensive to a certain fish based dish.

It seemed to me that this particular dish would for a long time be synonymous with the taste of bile. Which is why, believe you me, I found myself a bit surprised when I had a friend to feed and was walking around the local supermarket carrying a bunch of fresh, new potatoes, a bunch of pea pods and asking myself “Hmm.. What do I serve with these?” Because, well, the first answer that came to mind was “steamed fillet of salmon.” I really have no explanation for this weirdness, but have long learned not to question my insanity. After all, it was a hot day, Zascha loves salmon, salmon loves new potatoes and white wine.. And I love to please! Time to face my fears!

Being in Zascha’s debt for her bailing me out at dinner time a few times in the past, and her being rather busy with her extensive work out schedule, it was decided that I take her extra key and prepare dinner at her place while she worked out with our friend Tine. After seeing her off, picking up some corn on the cob she requested, and treating myself to the trappist beer she’d left me in the fridge as my reward for being a good boy, it was time to get cooking MacGyver style.. As you’ll sorta have to do when cooking in either Zascha’s or Tina’s kitchens. Imagine about 50 cms of table space, two burners, and, luckily, in Zascha’s case: A toaster oven! Luckily, a toaster oven and tin foil goes a long way and a couple of seasoned fillets of salmon resting on a couple of pieces of curled up tin foil on a bed of white wine and herbs.. Covered in even more tin foil and placed in a toaster oven actually makes for a decent attempt at steamed salmon.

Of course, then there’s just the matter of preparing the cooked potatoes, their olive oil/lime/parsley dressing, the peas and the sauce on two simple burners. Again, luckily nothing a bit of improvisation, some tin foil and a fair bit of cursing won’t solve. And I’m happy to report that the result was damn delish, if I dare say so myself.  With it actually being a nice, warm summer day (and evening) in Denmark, our dinner was consumed outdoors over a couple of glasses of wine – ah and the usual talk about why, with all the innocent and completely normal behavior we’d exhibited today, on earth people would think we were dating..

Alright, so maybe it’s not entirely normal to be hanging about at eachother’s apartments when the other person is not around, doing eachother’s shopping, eating eachother’s food and having a surprisingly shared economy in terms of foodstuffs at least.. But we’ve been over this numerous times before, we’re not normal! So why on earth would you expect us to stick to normal friend-like things.. 😉

As if I hadn’t acted weirdly enough, I got a strange craving for ice cream following dinner, and in a not very surprising move, Zascha wasn’t very much against the idea of going for a walk and getting an ice cream. Before we left, though, we decided to ask Tina along, so I called her up and asked her what she was doing. In a fucked up bit of conversation, Tina took this inquiry to mean that I was some how staked out looking at her and observing what she was doing, sending her into a panic fit. Not totally fit for dealing with more than my own growing insanity, I decided to let her get on with her paranoid business and take only Zascha for ice cream.. Or well, actually Zascha took me, as dumbass Johan had once again left his money at home.. Great, just as I was starting to even the score!

Right, yeah.. Walk good, ice cream good, sitting at the lake, watching the ducks and eating ice cream (AS ALL FRIENDS DO) good, getting to laugh at Zascha spilling ice cream all over herself good.. Even the walk home was pretty good, especially when we got the attention of a couple of token town drunks when we had one of our oh so common little hissy fits which ended in me shoving Zascha around for a bit and her pummeling the air out of me with her hand bag.. Which had people ogling at us pretty badly.. See, we were definitely very misunderstood that day.

As we returned back to Zascha’s place, we ran into our buddies Anderson and Ana who were outside for a bit of an improvised BBQ.. We settled down and actually ended up talking to them for about an hour before it eventually grew kinda late and everybody shuffled inside.. Or well, I shuffled briefly inside, got my stuff and headed home.. And that’s that day.. And now it’s suddenly nearly 3 AM again.. Good gosh, didn’t I promise to get these sleeping habits under control one of these days?

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2 responses to “My phobia

  1. I have a fear of cotton balls!!

  2. I’m more than certain that you’re not alone!

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