Ever get the feeling that your life could be a sitcom? I do! And if it were, I’d gladly play the lead role as “Mr. Stupidity!” Take today, for example: After spending nearly 24 hours in bed on Sunday and having nothing to do but visit Tina this monday, you’d think things couldn’t go too wrong.. Well, wrong!
As it happened, the visit itself went fine. We hung out, had coffee, wandered downtown to do some shopping, had lunch.. And I eventually wandered home as she had to be at work at 5 PM. On the way home, I stop by the local discount supermarket and pick up some frozen chicken breasts and some veggies. When I arrive home, I move to lock myself in, pad my pockets and discover that something’s horribly wrong.. I don’t have my keys.. They’re at Tina’s, in my jacket which I’d only brought since the weather wasn’t too good when I set out, but had naturally left at Tina’s as I didn’t have much use for it when the sky cleared and the sun came out..
Good boy! As I ponder what to do, opportunities are quickly exhausted.. My landlord isn’t at home, neither is his girlfriend so I can’t make my way in through the back door. I do have a spare key at Zascha’s, but she’s in Copenhagen and my spare key to her apartment is locked up at my place, they keys to which are at Tina’s.. So, really, nothing to do but to bite the bullet, set out and walk the 3 or so kilometers to McDonald’s to borrow Tina’s key.
I leave my frozen goods in the shade and set off, walking for about a kilometer in a pretty good pace before I hear a car horn, honking profusely. I turn around and spot Martin (of Student House fame), Oscar and Mr. Anderson coming towards me in a fancy over-sized pickup truck. I flag them down and explain to them the situation and ask if they’d be kind enough to give me a ride to Mickey D’s so I can retrieve a pair of keys. They agree to help me out if I help them carry down a few sofa’s from Anderson’s old place which of course I’d gladly do. So four boys, two sofas and a truck, this is where things start getting a little crazy..
I jump up onto the truck and we speed up, stopping at Anderson’s and sprinting up to his second floor apartment to retrieve the sofas. Being the one in need of a favor, I’m naturally left with the biggest, bulkiest sofa along with Martin.. Makes sense as we’re the smallest in the bunch.. Yay! Oscar and Anderson quickly make their way down the stairs, bumping into only a single door frame on the way. Martin and I, on the other hand, manage to get our sofa half way down and then somehow get it stuck between the stairs, Martin’s front door (he lives just downstairs from Anderson), the floor and the ceiling.. You wouldn’t think that was possibly. Anyways, we hurt Martin’s hand in an attempt to get the damn thing wiggled free and have to wait for backup from the others who quickly helped us wrestle it free.. Anderson and I carry it the rest of the way down while Oscar continues upstairs to get the sofa cushions onto the truck.. By means of the window!
So, this is why I suddenly find myself on the back of the truck, loading the sofa into place when I’m suddenly interrupted by a large outcry of some some socialist battle cry and look up to see a hail of cushions coming my way. So, I’m left to use my hands for protection and run for cover just as I see some attractive blonde walking by. Oscar must’ve noticed her, too, because it only takes him about five seconds to close up the window, sprint down the stairs and yelling for everybody to get into the van as we’re in a hurry to catch up wit her and check her out.
Alright, so, the four of us pile into the cabin,which only really fits three, so it’s a bit of a squeeze as I need to sorta have my head leaning out the window and my ass pseudo propped up on Martin’s ass who in turn is pushing against Oscar who is screaming commands, yelling at people who happen to be getting in our way as we make to pursue the hot blonde. After a slur of profanities as Anderson accidentally put the truck in reverse, we’re off, over the side walk, past cars and terrified bystanders, speeding up hill towards a traffic light, hurrying as much as we can in order to check the girl (who’s heading straight ahead) out before it’s too late and we have to make a right turn towards McDonald’s.. Naturally we don’t make it so in a split second, the decision is made to continue straight ahead and check out the blonde before heading to McDonald’s to pick up the keys.. Effectively taking a small detour for the sake of scaring some poor innocent girl.. Whoever objects to something like that must be crazy.
So, we speed across the intersection, slow down, passing slowly past the girl, twisting our heads as we do, before once again speeding up, taking a right turn and heading back on the right track.. It all really was worth it just to catch a glimpse of her expression. We’re not left speeding up one of the busiest roads in Kolding, four guys in a truck fit for only three with two sofas and a bunch of cushions in the bag .. We pull into McDonald’s, find a spot which is all but too small for the truck and I burst into the restaurant – Anderson,
Martin and Oscar on tow to retrieve the key!
Tina looked initially happy to see me, then a little confuddled to see the others as well, asking me just how many people were needed to retrieve a key. When I reply “Oh? This? But that’s not all!” and point to the horribly over-sized truck and the sofas in the parking lot, she looks downright mystified! Hey, I make a point of traveling in style! Anyways, I borrow the keys and the four of us pile in on top of eachother agian and head off. I’m dropped off near where Tina lives much to the surprise of some guy who’s standing near by, watching the entire spectacle of our oddball truck.
Upon retrieving my keys from Tina’s apartment, I walk home (for the second time that day), unlock my front door, throw the not-so-frozen goods in the fridge and unlock my bike to bike back to McDonald’s to return Tina’s keys.. And that’s how I like to get my daily exercise! Well, no, not really.. But at least now I don’t have to go for a run tonight and at least I had a fair amount of weird fun in retrieving my keys the hard way.. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m about to go cook the mounds of food which cannot be refrozen upon thawing.. Oooh, someone’s having a lot of chicken tonight!