Zascha knows best!

And Zascha tells me to update my blog. In honor of this being one of the last times in a long while she can actually tell me what to do, who am I not to abide? No, seriously, I know it’s been a long fucking while since I did any updating.. And while we did have web access at Zascha’s parents’ house in Juelsminde, I was quite busy with other things such as either being passed out, hung over or drunk.. In all honesty, I don’t think I’ve ever done a one week drunken rant before, so wonder how this will all shape up.

Actually, I’m not sure I’ve ever had a week as generally fucked up as this past week. We partied too much, slept too little, ate too much, drank way too much.. Probably even laughed too much. If laughter really does increase your life span, we probably made up for any damages caused by the alcohol – simply by laughing it off.

Really, how much did we drink? Well, about 3 liters of Italian red wine, a couple of bottles of French Chardonnay, 3 bottles of Pinot Noir, 4 bottles of Chateauneuf Du Pape (I probably misspelled that, but it sure was good), two 30-packs of beer and roughly four 24-packs of beer.. And other things as well! But that was between eight of us.. Ahem!
And *I* was along or the entire right, so you’d expect things to at least get a little crazy.

As for solid foods to soak up the alcohol, we did quite good as well. My mom had donated half a hen in cream sauce for our first night there (which included only Tina, Zascha and I) and from there on, Zascha’s mothers generosity took over. She’d left us with a note telling us to take whatever we wanted from the fridge and the cupboards. We combined that act of goodwill with some shopping of our own and whichever cooking skills I could muster and the results were pretty darn good. The menu from the various evenings read somewhat like this: Chili (made on brown ale and dark chocolate this time around), pork chops in spicy tomato/cream sauce with veggies and wild rice, steamed salmon fillets with creamy white wine sauce and new potatoes, chicken breasts in (heavy) cream sauce spiked with vermout served on leeks, spring onions, bacon and pasta.. And for the grand finale, Zascha’s going away feast on Thursday: Fork tender beef roast in red wine served with potatoes, chardonnay soaked carrots and sauteed mushrooms with (even more) Vermouth and cream.. And about 3 liters of gravy for good measure.. Yes, I like cooking with alcohol? So what.. I like drinking alcohol, too.. I reckon they go together 😉 Oh right, and to top things off, we finished things up with homemade pizza for our last evening there.. We figured we’d kinda go easy on top of the party the night before.

Of course, this list of meals don’t include our other ventures such as eating out (burgers and steak) and our downright crazy ideas such as cooking cheese burgers, sausages and other weird stuff in the middle of the night.. At one point, I think Zascha’s sister brother, Zeb, and I actually managed constructing a bacon cheese burger packing a fat ratio at around 112% .. It worked wonders in the wee hours with a side serving of beer and Southern Comfort! All in all, I actually gained about a kilo in sheer body fat over the week.. Not too shabby, Johan! I am, after all, here to prove that not all students survive on pasta and canned sauces!

Did we have fun? Oh fuck yea! The first couple of days, I was averaging about 2-3 hours of sleep per night but on the other hand drinking more than my fair share of alcohol. Okay, actually the first night wasn’t too bad with just me and the girls there, but when Morten showed up on Saturday Sunday, still drunk from a family party the night before, things started going downhill. We hit the beers pretty much right from the start and were quickly found ourselves in a state of staggering along a country road, singing Frank Sinatra’s “Love and Marriage” and pouring beer on whatever critters we came by, mainly slugs. But that’s about as far as it went that night.. You know, not particularly drunk, just drunk to a point where you enjoy harassing innocent critters.. Morten had to get up for work the night after after all!

Monday was mainly nice and quiet, Tina had left on Sunday evening, we spend most of Monday moving Zascha’s stuff from her apartment in Kolding to her parents’ place. Furthermore, Zascha and I had to drive Morten home Monday evening as well as pick up Christian from the train station at 11:30. Waiting for Christian at the train station turned out to be a pretty interesting ordeal. I’d had a few drinks with Morten and Zascha was in her.. well, delightfully weird mood. So we were kicking back to classic rock ballads, singing and whistling along, playing with the lights and attracting attention from cabbies and random people alike. When we finally did manage to retrieve Christian – the Danish National Railways were late as ever – we went home for a few beers and an early night.

Sleeping in the same room as Christian proved easier as sleeping next to Morten.. Christian neither snored, talked in his sleep or picked sleep fights with imaginary Swedes.. Still I didn’t sleep much that night.. Apparently it’s not supposed to be easy for me to just get a good night’s sleep!

Thursday Tuesday marked the beginning of the point of no return. Christian had expressed concern that we only had two 24-packs of beer in the house, so we set out to get another 30-pack before having lunch at a local cafe. After lunch, we picked up Morten from the local bus station and then went back home – where the binge began.. For Christian, Morten and I at least. Poor Zascha had to go to work the next day and had to settle for watching the rest of us get increasingly fucked up. Long story short, Christian, Morten and I ended up going to bed at somewhere around 7 AM after constructing a magnificent 3D model of the great Giza pyramids constructed in 38 beer cans. Whilst doing so, we’d accidentally created 6 power spikes, woken Zascha up a couple of times by imitating various passages from Monty Python’s Holy Grail movie.. And performed several horrible renditions of the theme from Disney’s Tail Spin.

Wednesday naturally started out in a bit of a blur. Apparently I’d passed out on the couch the morning before fully dressed, apparently I’d also told Christian and Morten that I was heading to Amsterdam in search of a bear of sorts when they tried to wake me up late that morning.. The first thing I do remember is that we’d promised to pick Emelie up from a bus stop that afternoon. Being the kinda guys we are, we thought it wrong to show up unprepared, so we packed up a few beers, a couple of lawn chairs and set off to wait for her at the bus stop (which wasn’t actually a bus stop but just an intersection).. Much to the amusement of the locals! After we had safely brought back Emelie and Zascha had returned from work, beers turned into French Coffees and Trivial Pursuit, happiness, dinner and eventually more drunkness. I think Morten and I finished off the evening with some pasta, a couple of sausages, a good talk and a few beers at somewhere around 3 AM. It’s really all rather hazy.

Thursday saw Christian chasing off our hangovers with more beer and the addition of Zascha’s brother, Zeb, as well as Tina and Jakob to the mix.. It also saw one hell of a feast with beef and red wine for all! I think it’s pretty safe to say that none of us were really too coherent near the end of the festivities. Zeb and I actually ended up sitting up past everybody else’s bedtimes, talking and listening ot various sorts of doom metal – always nice to broaden one’s horizon! At around 5 AM, though, even I had to give in.. So I crashed on the couch for a few hours of blissful sleep.. Which had me nice and awake for the next day’s near death experience. Apparently, I really am getting too old for drinking for a week. At any rate, Friday was nearly unbearable for me until Christian eventually had mercy on me and fed me some more beers to take care of the hangovers.

Friday really was the quietest day in the bunch. None of us really had too much to say and for me it all felt like quite a haze. Tina, Jakob and Morten all left after lunch.. We did have a rather nice dinner of homemade pizza, though.. And we didn’t forget the obligatory weird act which took place at around 9 PM when we tracked down the ice cream van and bought some 5 liters of ice cream and a bunch of waffle cones.. I actually had three cones that night which is more than I usually have in a year. After mass consumption of ice cream, we watched a few movies and people eventually drizzled off to bed.

Saturday was the day of departure for Christian and I.. The four remaining parties (Zeb, Zascha, Christian and I) had breakfast together for a change and Zascha then left to pick up her parents’ dog from its home away from home while her parents were on vacation. She then drove Christian to the train and her and I went back to her apartment here in Kolding to take care of a few things before she drove me home. We spend a few hours talking, walking down and getting lunch and watching some TV before she had to leave to get her parents from the airport.. So, effectively, that marked the last time I’ll see her in fuck knows how long as she’s off Monday to start her new job in Brussels.. And I still don’t really get it.. But I suppose I’ll have to get to grips with it some time soon! 😉

And there you go, Zascha, here’s your long overdue update! 😀

EDIT: Thanks to Zascha for pointing out an obvious error or two in the text above.


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