I could be American, me!

So, what’d you all do today? Me, I’ve been recklessly bored for most of the day.. But at least it hasn’t been too stressful. I mean, five hours of school, some cleaning at home.. Would you believe it, the kitchen and restroom are actually under control? Wowsers.. That still leaves a messy desk, but eh, what’re you gonna do. Since I’ve school stuff lying all over it, it at least lends the impression that I’m making an effort of my school-related stuff, right? Yeah, I thought so.

The rest of the day was pretty much spent roaming around Facebook, setting up some events for the Student House and killing time. Amongst other things by taking one of those “US Citizenship” equivalence tests.. And as it turns out, I apparently really could pass a US Citizenship test.. That’s if, for some odd reason, I’d really wanna be a US citizen, thus putting myself in line for even more flak than I am currently receiving. Apparently, to become a US citizen, you gotta score at least 80% on a number of multiple choice questions which, honestly, to me sounds more than a little bit of a ridiculous way of determining citizenship.. But then again, I’ve no idea how we determine things ’round here.. Anyways, I apparently scored 90% which’d put me on the right side of the chain link fence.. Woo!

That being said, it really was a ridiculous test, though. People seem to think that I have a history of doing well on tests and are often asking me how I seem to be so good at picking stuff up and remembering it.. Thing is, I’m really not. It’s my thesis that many such tests can be passed using a combination of elementary school knowledge, some college or common interest, a sense of deduction as well as listening to a fair share of heavy fucking metal.. Yes, metal! Don’t believe me?

Well, look at it this way? Question one on the test: How many stripes are on the American flag? Well, most people who followed 4th grade history in Denmark will be able to tell you the correct answer, 13, along with the answer to the next question in line: What do these stripes represent?  The original states, of course. Things get a little trickier when we’re asked about the names of these 13 states.. But this is where the beauty of multiple choice quizzes comes into play. Since we know that neither New Zealand nor Washington DC are (as of yet) classified as American states, we can easily rule out the two options containing these two.. And since we remember something about a so-called New Jersey Plan from our classes on American history and the forging of the constitution, we’re probably better of picking the option containing New Jersey over the one containing Texas (which by the way is way too far out west to really make sense as an original state anyways).. That way, our money are pretty safely played on option b, containing New Jersey but not Texas, New Zealand or DC, without even knowing the names of all the original states but by using the sheer logic of deduction.. This, dear readers, is part of the reason why multiple choice tests have no real value.

Yea, okay, so I know by now you’re probably only really wondering how and why heavy metal comes into the picture.. Well, to that one person out there who’s still following my logic, it’s actually quite simple. You see, heavy metal is no – as Cannibal Corpse once put it – noise for music’s sake.. There’s a lot to be learned from listening to metal lyrics. For example, anyone who spent as much time as me listening to Metallica’s “…And Justice For All” album would be able to tell you that the core beliefs on which the Declaration of Independence was written were “the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” .. Just like having listened time and time again to Iced Earth’s Gettysburg 1863 trilogy, one would have no trouble answering questions about the time period of the American Civil War, as one would know that the battle of Gettysburg was mid way through the war, and since we know from other sources that the war lasted roughly five years and the opening line of the song happens to be “In July 1863” .. Well, it stands to reason that the war would have lasted from 1861 – 1865 .. To quote an ex-class mate of mine: “This is logic!” Or maybe it’s not.. Come to think of it, this isn’t logical at all.. But it’s how I remember things.. Not, as some claim, by having a photographic memory or knowing just about every fact there is in the world.. Neh, it’s simply a combination of background knowledge, simple powers of deduction and a healthy love for the Devil’s music.

I’m weird, I know.. But then, I’m a could-be American, so is that really too surprising? I never said my head was a pretty nor organized place to browse through, I’m just trying to explain myself to those who seem to think that I’m so doggone smart and suck up all sorts of knowledge. See, I really don’t, I suck it up, forget about it and leave really weird, complicated trails for myself to get back to it.


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