Yea, yea, I know I promised.. And hey, the day isn’t over yet, so there’s still time for updates. Okay, so maybe the day is over, but I got stuck at Dunkel’s watching movies and trying to seek shelter from the wannabe blizzard that just swept through town.. I am sticking to my promise, though, and posting a weekend update.. Since I now seem to have missed a couple of them in a row.
As most of you will know, my dangerous drunken escapades started off a bit earlier than usual this week, as I made an excuse to head on down to Dunkel’s at around 5 PM to have a round of beers with the boys. Seems I wasn’t the only one who had gotten the grand idea, though, as they were pretty well underway when I arrived, playing drinking games and being unusually loud for the hour. This afternoon the crowd consisted of Dunkel, his buddy Ken, our big happy Faroese friend Einar.. And Kowski, an old friend of Dunkel’s whom I was surprised to see after having not seen him for well over a year. It seems, though, that I was nowhere near as surprised to see him than he was to see me, probably because no one had bothered to him that I’d been growing my hair out 20 months or so.. Which spawned a reaction where he at first violently demanded that I prove to him that the pony tail was fake, then just spent about five minutes alternately looking at me, and shaking his head or looking into empty air laughing to himself.
Anyways, I couldn’t sit around watching Kowski’s reaction all night, so I got myself involved in the games and shenanigans they were up to and pretty quickly catched up with them through a healthy combination of Scotch and beer chasers. For the first part of the evening, we spent a great deal of time playing Super Smash Bros on Dunkel’s Wii an activity which at some point got so heated that the neighbors were probably thinking we were watching some sort of sporting event when, in reality, we were just five fully grown men yelling at a bunch of animated characters on a TV screen. Actually, the only thing that shut us up was when Kowski decided that he needed pizza and ended up ordering a monstrous family sized pie. Naturally he couldn’t finish the monster on his own so being the good wingmen that we were, we all offered him a hand.. Or a mouth.. Or whatever.. Well, you know what I mean.
At around 8 PM, Iben and Under showed up and Dunkel, Einar and I soon decided that the only proper way to greet them was to run off.. So we did! Or well, we didn’t exactly run off, but alcohol supplies were starting to thin out (literally), so we figured we’d make a run before the stores closed. We returned about 20 minutes later, carrying three bottles of vodka and a bottle of schnapps. Plus the added weight of a few weird looks from the cashier. Right around this time, Anne also showed up and the fun was now about to really begin.
Einar set the pace by downing his bottle of vodka in record time which in return also put him out for most of the evening.. Or not exactly out, but he seemed pretty content just sitting by himself in the couch, eventually chiming in with a comment or suggestion that made no sense what-so-ever. Dunkel and I were, on the other hand pretty busy rocking out – though not, as Kowski suggested, with our cocks out. Instead we were busying ourselves with a couple of metal tracks accompanied by some riffs on one of Dunkel’s guitars and some aggressive headbanging. An activity which went surprisingly well until the coordination sorta went haywire and I decided to bang my head downwards all while Dunkel swung the neck of his guitar upwards. The end result was a huge thud, a couple of stars floating around the room (which were evidently only noticed by me), a pretty large spray of blood from my forehead and an a pretty reluctant query of “Dude, is the guitar okay?” from yours truly.. At no point did we stop rocking, though.. But hey, that’s rock ‘n’ roll for ya.
After finishing the song, and walking to the bathroom to clean the blood off my hands and forehead, I was pretty confident that the mayhem and destruction was over.. Boy was I wrong, though. Apparently the commotion had stirred the sleeping giant on the couch, so as I returned, Einar snapped out of his sleep, loudly exclaimed something which may or may not have dealt with how drunk he fell, and promptly (by the swirling of his arms) sent a pint glass standing in front of him flying to the ground. Somehow, and amazingly enough, I was deemed the most sober (or less drunk if you will) of the bunch, so I was put on sweeping duty while Einar staggered off to the bathroom.
Reasonably sure that things were now under control, I took to sweeping the broken glass of the floor but was pretty soon once again distracted by a huge crash from the bathroom. This time, however, Dunkel went to deal with it while I finished my business. When I did finish, I rounded the kitchen to go see what Dunkel was up to, as I got through the kitchen and into the bedroom, I found Einar lying on Dunkel’s bed completely passed the fuck out and went on to find Dunkel in the bathroom, frantically trying to fix a leaking water pipe while cursing at drunken giants under his breath. Apparently he’d walked in to find Einar on the floor whimpering helplessly and water pouring out from where he had apparently busted his head against the pipes under the sink.. No word as to how a 210 cm tall, 135 kg guy got around to hitting his head on a pipe stuck under a sink 20 cm over the floor.. He apparently just found him that way.
Once we got Einar to bed, things quieted down considerably. The party was now back at a somewhat normal sanity level which was good as right about now our party was crashed by some bloke named Henrik. No clue as to who he was, but apparently he was at a party next door and was looking to buy some beers. We didn’t really have any to sell, but invited him in and fixed him up with a beer and some schnapps. Apparently he dug the place because he ended up staying for about two hours talking about how awesome we were and how much better this party is. Ironic, not only because we had the passed out giant, not only because people (edged on by Kowski, of course) were at some point performing songs in their underwear, no mostly because he actually turned out to be the brother of the girl living next door which not too long ago had one of Dunkel’s parties shut down by the cops.. Huh!
Well into the wee hours, the party started to die out and both Anne and I decided that it was probably about time to go home. Since we live in about the same direction, we decided we might as well walk the walk together.. We also decided that despite Dunkel’s pleading and begging, we wanted no part in seeing the sleeping giant home, so we ended up hurrying out the door and leaving Iben, Kowski and Dunkel to worry about Einar.. In retrospect I am kinda sad, though, that I didn’t stay because what happened next sounded pretty epic.
Apparently they somehow managed to wake up Einar who was evidently now so drunk that he could only reply to their questions by means of lyrics from Metallica songs. They somehow managed to get his shoes on him and had a cab hailed for him. While Dunkel retained the cab driver, tiny Iben and Kowski (who is even smaller than me – not to mention limping heavily after a work accident) navigated Einar down several flights of stone stairs and into the cab, making a comment to the cabbie that he was perhaps ever so slightly drunk and telling them where he needed to go, not really aware of his specific address, but only the general area.. What happened next is a mystery, we only know that Einar apparently did make it home safely as he actually called the next day, wanting to know at what time he’d walked home.. Hmm.. Walked, you say?
(to be continued..)