Mmm… Cholesterol

I woke Monday morning to the unmistakable feeling and sound of my phone vibrating. Checking the display revealed a single message from Dunkel, reading simply “The wrong kid died!”, laughing from the Walk Hard reference, I shot one right back saying “In that case, yea, I do think I want some of this!” (if you’ve no idea why this is funny, go rent Walk Hard, it’ll explain a lot)..

Dunkel’s next message was of a much more simple nature. “Beer?” he asked.. And seeing as I’d just rolled out of bed on a Monday morning, the answer seemed simple: “sure!” – some 90 odd minutes later, a reasonable well-groomed Johan made his appearance at Dunkel’s and after some brief planning, we set off for our first epic adventure; gathering supplies for the day and evening.. Which actually proved pretty easy. We simply ran on down to the local supermarket and picked up whatever items we needed to get through the day, namely 12 hamburger patties, a pound and a half of bacon, a pound of cheese, 12 hamburger buns, a jar of Miracle Whip, some barbecue sauce and a six pack of pint sized Newcastle Brown ale to wash down our 12 bacon/cheese burgers.

Feeling reasonably pleased with ourselves and the DKK 300 spent on meat and meat byproducts, we then headed back home to Dunkel’s, popped open a tallboy of Newcastle each while gearing up for some kitchen fun. While firing up a grill pan, I marinated the hamburger patties in some barbecue sauce, then fried up some bacon, which provided a nice amount of bacon grease in which to fry the patties which were then flipped, topped with two slices of cheese and two slices of bacon each and served up on roasted buns with condiments of choice.. Two such burgers each provided a great, filling lunch and left us fat and happy for quite a while.

Needing some time to process the cardiovascular shock of a half pound of meat with added mayo, bacon and cheesy goodness hitting the system, we threw on season one of American Dad and kicked back with a few more tallboys for a few hours before we decided to go out and get some much needed exercise by zooming on down to the store on the corner and picking up some more beers and a few mixers for the evening.. As we came back, we shared a few more beers and listened to some music while gearing up for the next leg of our ambitious plan to consume six bacon/cheese burgers each within the span of 12 hours. After some mental coaching, we were ready and I fried up another four burgers, two more for each of us.

.. And this is admittedly when things started getting a little tough. I mean, you’d think that consuming four large burgers in an equal amount of hours would be a piece of cake.. But the cholesterol, saturated fats and what have you actually does take a bit of a toll on you. After our four burgers, we were pretty much out for the count, kicking back on the couch, almost swearing that we could feel our hearts struggling and our veins clogging ever so slightly.. To a point where I actually started texting people to let them know how appreciated they were, should I not survive the ambitious endeavor 😉

After some 30 minutes of whimpering and groaning, Dunkel suggested we each took a shot of tequila to top things off – the logic being that alcohol would burn through the ridiculous amounts of proteins and fat and make things just a little more bearable. It sounded just about dumb enough to be worth a shot, and so shots were lined up and taken and they actually did help! At they very least, they made room for more beers and more vodka which was fine by us. We never did make it through the remaining burgers, but we did make it through the alcohol which was consumed while watching some stand-up and checking out Ali G’s “Ali G In Da House” (which SUCKED!)..

At 3AM-ish, I eventually staggered home, still full from the damn burgers, but somehow I never got around to going to bed. I stayed up for a few hours, chatting with people online, roaming around Facebook and other weird stuff. I even texted a bit with my mom who had gotten up for work at 5 AM and apparently now think that I work nights owing to me being awake at this odd hour.. I say we leave her to this theory because it would probably make her happier to think this than to know that her son was only up at this odd hour because he was getting wasted and abusing his body on a Monday. I eventually fell asleep at around 6-ish and slept till noon where I got up, realized I felt like utter crap, crashed on the couch and didn’t really do much before having to get up again for dinner and work.

And, in case you’re wondering: No, work with a hangover, a messed up stomach and absolutely no chores in wait for you at GLS because of the whole summer vacation thing.. Just isn’t much fun. My apologies to all those who had to put up with my bitching in the hours between 8 PM and midnight! 😛 I promise it’ll be a while before I attempt something like this again. And I do think I oughta try to get some sleep now. I’m going road trippin’ tomorrow!


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