Housewarming – part the second!

Coffee really is a marvelous thing. That’s one of the realizations I came to when sitting at the table in Rødby Saturday morning. Across the table from me were Jens and Jakob, staring blankly at me with me staring blankly at them in return. This game had gone on for a while and continue for a while until a freshly brewed pot of joe hit the table at which point we all poured a cup, sipped and immediately conversation commenced.

And through conversation, a plan quickly emerged. We needed breakfast, and we needed it bad. Tina had been kind enough to provide breakfast rolls and eggs, but for the boys in the crowd, this wasn’t nearly enough – we needed meat! More specifically, we needed bacon! So, after downing a beer for good luck, Jens, Jakob and I went out in search of bacon, sugar and toothpaste. A relatively simple task, from which we returned about an hour later, all of us carrying two heavy duty plastic bags filled with loot. Tina seemed rightfully shocked at the sight and we felt compelled to explain that our search for bacon had led us through not only the food section but also the booze section and as such we couldn’t pass the chance to buy about a 30 pack of beers, a couple of 40’s, a liter of Jim Beam and some soda.

Shaking her head, Tina allowed Jens and Jakob to stock the fridge with alcohol as I set to work on the breakfast of the day, aka three sides of bacon served with scrambled eggs and cocktail weenies topped with spring onions and bacon fat fried cherry tomatoes just to keep things on the healthy side.. A dish which was enjoyed by all and made me a lot of friends – but hey, how can you not make friends by serving them bacon and eggs?

After breakfast, and another beer, Tina, Emelie and the boys decided to go check out the holiday paradise in which Tina works. But I, having to play the kitchen bitch from 3 PM and onwards, opted not to go since it seemed stupid and logistically unwise to go and just spend two hours there before heading back alone. So, I stayed back, entertained myself by listening to some old-school Metallica, shopping not once, not twice, but thrice for forgotten items and generally just wandering around the kitchen, hurting myself while trying to locate things, work tools properly and even whip up a two dish Mexican feast – all while having a quality brew and keeping Louise updated about my antics and injuries via SMS.

By the time the other returned at around 5 PM, I’d managed to burn myself once, poke a chef’s knife into my palm, slam my finger in a door and bump my head twice. I’d also managed to whip up a batch of roasted serrano chili salsa, a big assed pot of chili con carne which was happily simmering away, and I was well into a two pound bowl of guacamole and a side of chili sin carne for Emelie, the vegetarian of the bunch. People seemed well impressed and, of course, immediately offered drinks for the cook which he happily accepted and enjoyed in the kitchen in front of the stove while chatting with Christian, Jens and Jakob.

At around 6, Tina’s friend Louise, her boyfriend Carsten and a few of their friends arrived and things took a turn for the stressful in the kitchen. Rice had to be put to a boil, tortilla chips needed to go in the oven for nachos and welcome drinks in the shape of Mojitos had to be prepared for ten people. This became a rather tedious process involving muddling limes and mint in a plastic pitcher using an empty beer bottle for weight and topping up according to memory, but the result ended up pretty good, all things considered, and we all soon had drinks – and dinner on the table, which apparently was a huge success as I had a hard time convincing people that I’d done things entirely from scratch which I took to mean that my food either tasted good – or as horrible as the pre-packaged mixes you can buy 😉

On the whole, dinner went well but not without complications. Jens, as could be expected from someone who brought three drinks and a beer to the table, ended up rather drunk and ended up testing a few limits in a pretty hillarious manner. I, on the other hand, ended up spilling Chili on my new Tommy Hilfiger jeans in the kitchen and had to send my poor hostess washing in the midst of things while I changed pants and tried to keep an eye on the rice at the same time. Not the most typical dinner ever, but certainly not the strangest either.. And everybody ended up fat and happy which is all that matters.

It wasn’t until after dinner that things really took a turn for the strange as people started really started throwing down beers and drinks. It wasn’t long after dinner that Jakob, Jens and I were wrestling on the floor for shit and giggles while the others took to goofing off and taking pictures as well. It all eventually ended in some weird mix of serious talks, binge drinking and goofing off. Jakob was the first to forfeit as he was put to bed at around 10:30 after apparently having tried to convince Tina to run off with him back to her place.. Apparently unaware of the fact that we were already at her place.

Jens was soon to follow, but this one didn’t go down without a fight. After having first pulled off a rather hilarious impersonation of Danish singer Johnny Madsen, he took to just bellowing the lyrics to Tool’s “The Pot” out the window at the top of his lungs before eventually collapsing in the kitchen. After laughing for a while and snapping the obligatory pictures, I pulled up all 85 limp kilos of him and dragged him off to bed, something that went reasonably well, considering he outweighed me by 20+ kilos. Well, it went reasonably well until I got him to bed anyways and he apparently decided I was trying to start a fight with me and jumped me, trying to wrestle me down. Not really knowing how serious he was being in his efforts, I figured I’d better fight back and eventually got the big boy into a sleeper/choke hold which I held onto until he finally settled down and went limp. Which pretty much spelled the night of Jens who was then dragged back to bed by Tina and put down for good.

Having gotten rid of the people who obviously didn’t know how to hold their liquor, the rest of us went even farther along the binge trail, putting down a bottle of shots in no time and cutting more and more into the beer supply. Tina eventually had to give in as well which confused the lot of us a bit because she didn’t really say anything, she just kinda left – apparently to go to sleep. Can’t say I blame her, though, she did well all things considered. So, that left Christian, Emelie, Louise, Carsten and his buddies Ronnie and Christian to tear up the place even further.

Apparently we did so by diving into the fridge and eating whatever leftovers we could find (which brings back fond memories of licking a bowl of guacamole), set up traps for the people who had passed out and generally doing whatever we could to annoy the fuck out of them, without much success other than a shitload of giggles for the lot of us. At around 2 AM, we eventually decided to call it quits after a bit of cleaning and entirely unnecessary sweeping on Carsten’s behalf. Louise, Carsten and buddies left for their hotel room that they had apparently booked and Christian and I, singing along loudly to Soul Asylum’s “Runaway Train”, took care of some more cleaning before sitting down and having a final beer. Christian, too, eventually went to bed and I dragged myself back to the kitchen where I did a final bit of cleaning and pouring out left-over beers and remainders of drinks.

Eventually, around 4 AM, after making sure that Jens was really okay (having heard him rummaging around and knocking things over), I found my (Louise’s) sleeping bag on the cold, kitchen floor and settled in for a few hours of horrible, interrupted sleep – which must’ve helped me somehow as I still think I looked to be the person who was the most awake in the crowd the next morning.


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