Here’s one for the books, Tina!

Hah! So.. Yea.. Tina and I have some pretty weird discussions at times.. Downright silly, some would argue. One of these discussions which has been going back and forth for years now, revolves around whether or not I can fuck up a meal. Tina, for whatever reasons, seems to think I’m completely incapable of such a feat whereas I, of course, know better and, in a strange ambivalent way which, some would argue, is probably sillier than the entire discussion itself, have been dying to prove her wrong.. Something I managed to do just fine today but, luckily, Tina wasn’t around to witness.. And I guess I’ll have to admit that proving her wrong doesn’t feel half as good as I’d have liked..

It all started with a bit of left-over beef tenderloin and some pre-packaged sauce mix.. A combination I wasn’t entirely happy with, but due to lack of funds and what have you, I’ve been forced into somehow using pretty much whatever is left in the pantry and fridge before buying new stuff. So, I figured I’d combine a bit of tenderloin for Saturday night’s dinner with a packet of sauce bearnaise powder I, for pretty unknown reasons, had lying around thinking the result couldn’t be too bad.. Well, several trips to the bathroom later to purge the contents of my stomach, I sit before you a wiser and visibly broken man.

To be fair, it wasn’t all bad.. The oven roasted potatoes and the steamed green beans were pretty good.. The tenderloin steak not so.. Which is just sad considering we’re talking beef tenderloin here.. And it was perfectly good last night.. But apparently I was just all beefed out, or did something wrong.. It certainly didn’t taste as good as the night before, but was still edible, until the sauce arrived. It not only tasted synthetic, but actually downright vile, so after having had about a spoon of it, I ended up dumping the rest of the pot, scraping the horrible gelatinous residue off the meat that it’d somehow spread to and thanking myself for not actually having poured anything over the potatoes.. And yet, I still ended up having to abandon the meat.. And I still ended up throwing up and feeling downright queasy even now, some two hours later..

So there you go, Tina, you may be right that I don’t screw up too often when it comes to food, but when I do, I do so pretty damn well! I win this one! I think..Or, nobody wins.. I’m not sure.. But I was in the right for a change.. Go me!

And yea, I know purists will argue that I brought this miserably eating experience on myself by using pre-packaged synthetic sauce mixes.. To you, I say: You are probably right! Convenience killed the Johan.. And I hereby solemly swear before God almighty and all my readers here to never make this mistake again.. Ever! Pre-packaged sauces: I’ve long wished I knew how to quit you.. Now I do! You may offer convenience, but you start not only tasting inferior but also making me sick.. Then I don’t think this relationship is going to work.

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