It’s been a while since I’ve gone out, gotten drunk and done stupid shit.. Truth be told, I think Ive been drunk and disorderly about two times since Dunkel moved away a few months back.. Which is about a step up for the two or three times a week I used to do such things before I outgrew my student years. In many ways it has been a few good months, I know my body certainly appreciates the time off, and in some ways I’ve sorta missed the good old days.. Well, the drunk and disorderly part anyways, the long days of being out cold with a massive hangover – I can still do without those.
Anyways, speaking of the good, old days, Saturday December 5 was a day I’d been looking forward to for some time. See, Dunkel and his girlfriend, Marianne, had invited a few of us over to check out their new place, have a few drinks and some good old-fashioned fun. In many ways It looked to be an awesome night, and in many ways it was. To sum up, it was a bit like the good times of years gone by, only a lot more quiet and subdued.. That is if you disregard the bruises, black eyes, scratches and bite marks we ended up leaving with.. Umm.. Yea, more on that later.. First there was the matter of actually getting there.
See, Dunkel has moved to Esbjerg which is about all way across country from where I live. Luckily, Denmark is a small country but it’s still at 45 minute drive by car, so luckily for me, Iben and Under were going as well and they were going by car from Kolding, so I got to tag along for a short but bumpy ride. We arrived Saturday night at around 8 PM to find Dunkel and girlfriend living in a very un-Dunkel-like area, a quiet, suburban gathering of little, interconnected houses with strict policies as regards noise and wild behavior.. Huh, it would appear that our little Dunkel has grown up. Anyways, having checked out, and pondered, the surroundings, we made our way inside and said hi to Dunkel, Marianne and Marianne’s friend Mie whom I hadn’t seen for about three years and whom was apparently so happy to see me that she launched herself at me, grabbing hold and leaning into me so forcefully that I nearly tumbled over one or two times.. “You’ll have to excuse her, she’s been drinking since noon,” came the explanation from Marianne.. ’twas alright, though, I loves me some love.
We eventually made our way into the living room to find another of Marianne’s friends, Maja, sitting on the couch and looking a little distant and tired.. She, too, apparently had been drinking since noon and wasn’t as fit for fight as Mie, who was also reeling a bit at this time.. But oh well, the show had to go on, Dunkel and I grabbed ourselves a beer and sat down to talk. This went fine well into our second beer which is when I realized that I might have made a mistake by placing myself in a the girl couch. I mean, it seemed pretty reasonable to begin with, four of us in a three person couch, me being the only guy.. Bring it! The thing is, I’d obviously position myself next to the two drunkest people of the lot, Mie and Maja.. Which, indeed, went well for quite some time.. Mie and I spent some time mutually provoking one another.. She eventually said something.. To which I replied with an “Oh, bite me!” – which turned out to be exactly what she did.. Jumped at me and sunk her teeth into my neck.. Hard!
I fought her off and things were well again for a while until I started feeling a couple of hands on my thigh.. Which again, wasn’t too much of a problem until I realized that the girls were now forcing each other’s hands around, trying to see who could push whose closest to, well, you know.. Within seconds this had turned into a bit of a match of strength between the girls with hands flying around my general groin area in a too close for comfort kinda way. I remember barely thinking that this isn’t going to end well in any way, and rising up to get the fuck out of there.. And then came the sucker punch as both sets of hands flew back and caught me right in the most dangerous of places. I also barely remember stuttering “Good things I wasn’t planning on having kids” before things started going a little dark before my eyes.
I know that most of my readers are female so there’s really no way of describing the pain and discomfort I went through in the minutes that passed.. I did try hard not to cry, but eventually did have to give up. Meanwhile, Marianne was beside herself, yelling at the girls and Dunkel went to deal with the situation in the only way he knew possible, so he got hold of a tumbler and a bottle of aged Rhum Agricole and poured me a healthy shot to lessen the pain.. Interesting, really.. But at least the rum was good and made the whole experience somewhat more bearable. I’d like to say that those were the last acts of random violence for the night, but that would be a lie.. I still had a bitch slap from Mie coming my way for reasons that still elude me.. As if punching me in the nuts wasn’t enough, she apparently decided that I also needed a slap in the face and dealt one to me so hard that it blackened up my left eye and sent my glasses flying.
Now, I could never bring myself to actually hit a woman, even if my female friends tell me that I was well within my right to do so.. But I’m telling you, I came closer than I ever had to actually breaking with that promise to myself in this particular incident. Marianne and others apparently took notice of this and did a pretty good job at keeping Mie away from me for the rest of the evening and things were fine from then.. Dunkel, Under and I spent some time catching up, talking about music and what not, the girls talked about horses or something similar, drinks were had, beers, too, and things just felt like the good old, days – even more so when Maja apparently got tired and cuddly and I got to spend the night with a young girl in one arm and a pitcher of beer in the other. The hair might be gone, but I’m apparently still the epitome of Rock ‘n’ Roll!
At around 11 PM or so, the drunk girls apparnetly had another appointment somewhere. So Mie and Maja headed off to apparently get more drunk or whatever the plan was. Mie, in another surprising move, decided to tell me goodbye with a kiss which only made me question things even more, but oh well, the beers were take effect at this time, so I decided not to wonder too much about things and just have another beer instead.. So I did, and Dunkel did too, and pretty soon we were involved in some sort of discussion about the future that I’m sure none of us understood too much of.. So instead of spending too much time talking, we decided to honor our year old tradition of drunken wrestling. Or, well, at least that’s how I think it happened. Neither of us are really used to drinking heavily anymore, so as I recall things went from us talking to us laying on the couch with me having Dunkel pinned in a sleeper hold, to Dunkel picking me up and slamming me on the floor, pretty effectively reversing the position and having me tapping out within half a minute.. The end result was a black shoulder on my behalf, a bruised neck on Dunkel’s, a lot of weird looks and a mutual decision to just return to whatever we were discussing.. Male bonding has always been a pretty strange thing that takes place in all the weirdest ways.. But this strange, alpha male like behavior obviously (or not so obviously, depending on who you ask) went to show that we’d missed one another and the stupid, drunken fun we’ve had.
At around 2 AM after many a talk, many a drink, some emotions and a hell of a lot of getting banged up on my behalf, our designated driver decided that it was about damn time to head on homewards and since I had a “date” with Tina the next day, I all but agreed that going home and getting some sleep would be a pretty swell idea. So off we went, and I got to spend most of the drive home wondering about how exactly to explain to Tina why I’d show up for our lazy Sunday together with a black eye, crooked glasses and visible bite marks on my neck, not to mention a stiff shoulder and general fatigue.. Good f’ing show, though.