In case you’re wondering, the answer is: 32 hours, three six packs, two margaritas, a healthy dose of heavy metal, copious amounts of junk food, two servings of chili con carne and some homemade nachos!
In case that made you wonder even more, the question was: What does it take to move Tina from one apartment in town to another?
Of course, that’s not what it may have taken for most people, but Tina and I aren’t most people and we take pride in doing things our own way, and we usually have a lot of fun doing it our way.. Moving, apparently, is no exception to that general rule.. You wouldn’t think you’d be able to have much fun during a move, but we not only had fun, we had one hell of a good time.. Believe it or not.
Now, Tina has been wanting to move away from her old place for a while, needing to even, on account of only being able to legally live there during her years as a student.. But most importantly she’s been wanting to move, and truth be told, I’ve kinda been wanting her to move as well, so this weekend had been much anticipated because it was the weekend where she finally got the keys to her new place and was allowed to move in. Since we’re all on a pretty busy schedule, the plan seemed a little hectic and crazy at first. It involved spending Saturday packing down her entire old apartment and then Sunday moving everything as well as unpacking and setting up at the new place.. Pretty crazy, eh?
What made the plan even more crazy is that while Tina has a lot of stuff, her old place was pretty small so she couldn’t really count on too many people to be able to fit in and help out. What made it crazier still is that she didn’t WANT a lot of people to fit in and help out – she only wanted me. I was, of course, proud and flattered that she only wanted my help for the job, but can’t help but confess that I was a little apprehensive about the whole time issue and whether we’d be done on time. Her argument that helped seal the deal, aside from her usual blue eyes and pretty smile, was her promise of “I don’t own that many things, c’mon, it’ll be quick – and FUN!”
The first part of that sentence I knew to be a blatant lie. The quick part I wasn’t to sure of – but I knew she’d be right about the last part. Strangely, and as funny as it may sound, I was convinced that us spending an entire day together packing and getting ready to move her out couldn’t possibly be anything but a hell of a lot of fun and good times.. This was indeed a pretty strange feeling, and I know it shouldn’t be that way, but gosh darn it, I was right.. We had a blast packing things up and getting ready – so much so, actually, that I found myself wishing we could do it more often..
It wasn’t supposed to be that way. Moving isn’t supposed to be fun. It isn’t supposed to be a laugh. It’s supposed to put your “relationship” to the test, not strengthen and nurture it.. And damnit, I have some pretty bad experiences helping little blondes move.. Seeing as the first time, I ever tried my hands with that business, it spelled the end of a six year relationship.. So, in general, I guess I should’ve been pretty worried about the whole ordeal.. Yet, somehow I wasn’t, even if it had all the signs of danger lurking all over it.
For starters, we were supposed to meet up at noon. I’d worked full time the week before and as such had been at work half of the night. Tina, in turn, had been out partying half of the night, so we both met up pretty weary eyed come noon Saturday. We chatted a little, then quickly got underway to drive down to some acquaintance of Tina’s to pick up some boxes to pack her belongings into. We ended up getting horribly lost both on the way there and on the way back, another sign of impending doom, really, but still we soldiered on, went down to Louise and Carsten’s soon to be ex-apartment to pick up some wrapping paper for all the delicate things that we were about to pack.. And then went back to Tina’s place to get packing!
Safely back at Tina’s place, first things first, we got a couple of beers out of the fridge, opened them, toasted to the hardships ahead and laid out a master plant for the battle ahead which, in all its glory, simply read: “Let’s start by packing up whatever little clothes Tina owns and then take it from there!” – We’ve never really been the kinda people to get our heads cluttered up with elaborate plans. We then toasted again and then jumped into Tina’s closet and her clothes.
Like I said, I knew the “I don’t really own a lot of things” part of her sales pitch would be a lie.. Or, well, not so much a lie.. See, I have a(nother) theory about women.. They THINK they don’t own a lot of stuff, when in actuality they do, they’re just blissfully blind to the fact. I’ve absolutely, positively lost track of how many times the little one has cried out her misery to me over having nothing to wear and asked me, nay begged me, to pretty please agree that it would be okay for her to buy this or that piece of clothing. I don’t think it was actually until we started pulling clothes out of her closet and dumping it into large, black plastic bags that she actually realized I was right when I told her time and time again that she had an entire closet FULL of clothes to wear.. Eventually, we ended up filling five or six large bags with clothes.. Add to that a bag with 15-20 assorted pairs of shoes, boots and stilettos, and even Tina herself was shaking her head in the end.. I can’t say I blame her, it was all a little ridiculous. Especially if you consider that the clothes Tina wear is about the size of something a doll would wear.. At least that’s how it seemed to me when I folded them up and stuffed them in bags.. But then, I have a way of always being surprised by how small Tina is, even after all this time.
“Damn, I need another beer,” I exclaimed after having packed up all the clothes and struggling to fathom the amount of clothes she owned. Tina, on the other hand, wanted to drive out and get more boxes as well as something to eat, so I decided against the whole beer thing out of solidarity.. So rather than have a beer, we jumped into the car and drove off to McDonald’s where Tina paid for our horrible junk food (thank you, baby!) and cokes, then sent me off to the soda fountain while she went and hid in a corner somewhere.. Let’s just say that finding someone as tiny as Tina in a crowded fast food restaurant with a lot of pillars and booths with tall backs can be a bit of a challenge.. But once I did, we quickly consumed our food and headed on to a Home Depot like store to pick up some boxes. We spent some time actually locating the boxes but once we did, I wasted no time in picking up four, hitting some random stranger girl over the head with them and then, apologizing profusely to the stranger, thrusting them into Tina’s stomach.. Yeah, I shouldn’t be let out in public.. Tina, as I’d have expected, gave me a right thrashing, and I jumped right into an elaborate defensive speech about my strange need to inflict as many injuries as possible in as few movements as possible, all while the random stranger girl walked off giggling.
Having once again made most of the store aware of our presence, we struggled to the check out line, paid for the boxes, threw them into Tina’s car and drove back to her place. On the way back, Tina at some point mused: “Y’know, this is the last bit of driving we’re doing to day..” at which point, we both looked at each other, smiled and in unison concluded “more beer!”, as Tina’s involuntary reflexes pushed her foot down on the gas a little harder. As such, we made it back to Tina’s pretty quickly, carried our new fancy cardboard boxes inside and got to work on the next part of the packing adventure which was the wild and unplanned part of things.. Which went a fuck of a lot better than expected.
Tina and I may fight like an old married couple and take pride and have fun in doing so, but we can apparently work together as one as well. If ever there were any doubts that we’re pretty good at that team work thing, they were completely put to shame on this Saturday afternoon. We both knew what needed to be done and we both had some idea about how it was to be done and we executed it with an almost frightening lack of communication.. Well, that’s to say there was still the standard amount of bitching, insulting and yelling going on, as well as meeting up in the middle of the room for a sip of beer every now and then, but other than that we pretty much either spend our time in opposite areas, doing our separate things, or we’d be handing each other stuff from the upstairs sleeping area and slipping it into boxes. The only work related questions were along the lines of “how many boxes are left?” and “Do you have a spare bit of room for this or that? in your box” – amazing, really, but the fact that Tina’s place has basically been my second home for the past three years probably helped.
In the end, I realized that sadly I would have to give this one to Tina, she was right on the time aspect as well, it was a pretty quick packing.. Which is to say that it was actually a very quick packing, but I hate to admit to her being right.. I think we effectively spent between three and four hours packing and then a couple of hours on lunch, beer, random chatting, bickering, looking at old pictures, fighting, beer, insulting one another, and patting ourselves and each other on the back. By around 7 PM, we had all of Tina’s earthly belongings boxed up and stacked up on her living room floor and as such was ready to break down her laptop and speakers, which had provided most of our entertainment that afternoon, and finish up. “Y’know, sweetie”, I said to Tina, putting my hand on her shoulder, “we make one hell of a well-balanced team… FUCK!” – that last part didn’t so much relate to my Tourette’s syndrome as it did to me losing my balance and stumbling over right as I uttered that statement. This of course had Tina tearing up with laughter for about five minutes after which she shook her head, and got cracking on the last bit of packing.
After less than eight hours total, we were DONE and were about ready for a reward for a job well done. A reward which came in several parts. First, we grabbed the last couple of cold beers in the fridge. Then, having effectively packed up all of Tina’s belongings, we wrapped ourselves up pretty good, then headed out into the cold winter night to walk back to my place, beers in hand, for a nice, little Tex Mex dinner and a few Coronas as a welcome change from the Danish budget beer..