Don’t buy chocolates from a wine guy!

Confession: I haven’t been feeling too well over the last couple of weeks. And by that, I mean I’ve been rather pissed and depressed most of the time. We all have different ways of coping with anger and depression, and I don’t much feel like I owe anybody to justify my actions, because well, at least I don’t binge eat or anything like that when I’m broody. Anyways.. Umm.. Long story short, I may have gone out on a whim and bought 12 bottles of fine Sicilian red wine as an impulsive purchase.. You might think that’s this is not something that you just get around to doing on impulse or by accident, but then.. Well, then you obviously don’t know me too well, as this is my second or third time around doing something like this.

As with most other stories in my life, it all started rather innocently with me looking for a host/hostess gift for a dinner I’ve been invited to at my colleague Torben’s on Saturday. Now, I know Torben likes beer, but I don’t know what his wife likes, though I reckoned chocolate was a pretty safe bet with most women.. And that’s where I got to thinking that hey, my go to wine guy stocks both quality beers and quality chocolates.. Why not pay him a visit and fix up a little gift bag for Saturday? Great idea!

And so I did, and things went well. I got a few nice Belgian beers, I got some quality chocolaty treats, I got them nicely wrapped in cellophane and I was actually pretty much on my way out the door as I bump into a huge stack of Sicilian red wine.. A very well known and tasty Sicilian red at an incredibly reduced price of DKK 100 per six bottles.. Which is about a sixth of what I initially used to pay for the same wine.. So, of course, I go “Huh?”

“Yeah,” Kresten, my go to wine guy remarks, “got tired of looking at all those bottles so now they’re going on sale.” – “Fantastic,” I counter, pointing at a case, “I may have to get me six of those” – “Well,” quoth Kresten, “those cases hold twelve bottles” – “In which case,” I pondered out loud, “I may have to get me twelve of those!” – “Yes, I rather think you had,” my old friend replied, “it’s a great opportunity to get twelve bottles of really good wine for just DKK 300!”

“Wait.. 300? Kresten, my friend, how exactly are you doing the math on this? If six bottles are DKK 100, then how come twelve are DKK 300? That seems like a pretty bad deal to me..” – My dear old friend spent the next five minutes going on a long apologetic rant about how it’d been a very long day, how he wasn’t quite there and how he other than that had no idea how he could produce such a mathematical blunder. I, actually having the upper hand in anything involving mathematics for a change, of course wasted no time in teasing and scolding him to the best of my abilities.. Though not so much that he wouldn’t still sell me the wine.

Speaking about selling and buying wine, the whole process involved somewhat of a logistical headache because how was I gonna get twelve bottles of wine home without the help of either Tina and her pretty, little car – or someone willing to carry their part of the load? Well, certainly not with my other purchases in hand.. That was for sure. Because twelve bottles of wine are heavy, I hear, and I kinda had my hands full with gifts and other stuff as well. The solution eventually turned out to involve taking my purchases home, grab a few heavy duty carrier bags, head back and exchange a few more words with my wine guy, purchase my twelve bottles of wine, stuff six in each bag and then head on back home again, this time packing some 45 pounds worth of quality wine.. Problem solved, and daily exercise taken care of as well!

I eventually arrived home panting and groaning a little as I’m definitely nowhere near being in the kinda shape I was in when I used to handle packages for a living. But of course the physical exercise part was just the beginning of my problems. Now I was faced with the challenge of where to stock my new purchases. You wouldn’t think it’d be too hard to find room for twelve bottles of wine, and really it’s not.. It only really becomes a problem when you’re trying to find room for twelve bottles of wine, plus the ones you’ve already stocked.. Which in my case includes twelve high quality bottles purchased over the years, currently chilling in my wine cooler.. Plus whatever  is left from the last time I thought it a good idea to purchase twelve bottles of wine at once.. Plus a few bottles I’ve gotten as gifts.. And a magnum bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon.. Not to mention that bottles I’ve already co-located to Tina’s place in order to make room. Yes, I do realize I have somewhat of a problem, but that’s how I roll.

Well, I’m very happy to report that through some creative thinking and mucking about, I did manage to make room for my 30-odd bottles of wine, and they’re now all happily chilling under pretty good conditions just waiting to be drunk by someone like me. The obsession may seem weird and over the top to some, but hey, it makes me happy – and as I’ve come to discover today, being happy beats being sad or pissed..

Now, if only I had a real wine cellar..


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