I haven’t had as much time to hang out with Tina as I’d have liked in the past couple of weeks. Busy schedules, vacation, ski trips and whatever have severely limited the time we’ve spent together – which also goes to explain the rather unusual lack of posts mentioning Tina or our crazy adventures as of late. I assure you that absolutely nothing is wrong in our relationship and that we’re still every bit the old married couple that we used to be.. We just, sadly, haven’t had much time to spend together.
This predicament, luckily has changed for the better now so that while we still might only get to see each other for a few hours at a time, at least now those times aren’t two weeks apart. Rather they’re days apart, if even that, apparently we get to see each other three days in a row this week which is super good news. Well, mostly good news. See, my precious, and adorably retarded little sidekick has decided to spend at least half of our hours spent together AND half our conversations over various social media ranting and raving about – of all things in the world – a bright pink Diesel hoodie she saw at her favorite clothing store.
Now, one thing I may or may not have mentioned about Tina is that she doesn’t get excited about things.. She gets overly excited about things! It’s usually a pretty fucking adorable process in which she lights up to the point of practically beaming at you while ranting and raving more or less controllably and coherently about the object of her fascination. If (say for the sake of having a little fun) you chose to ignore her, or don’t immediately quite follow her enthusiasm, she’ll kick into overdrive, rant even faster and even less coherently, smile and nod even more at you while going into some self-fueled vicious circle of turbocharged glee to a point where she’s basically jumping up and down almost bursting with badly contained excitement. It’s one of those quite cute, albeit slightly weird, little things she does that makes her who she is and while I’ll have to admit it’s quite adorable at times.. Well, at some point you just get a little tired hearing about about pink hoodies.
It’s not that I don’t understand her, I somehow do (I keep hearing that I know women too well). The thing is, Tina is trying to save money and is doing a pretty good job at if, I must admit. But still I’ve been keeping an eye on her, and have been keeping her on a pretty tight leash as regards her personal finances. (What? Yes OF COURSE I have a say in her personal finances and spendings! That’s pretty normal amongst best friends! No? Well, it’s normal for us.. So there!) So, as a result, Tina hasn’t really been able to buy any new clothes or new shoes lately.. And as we all know, if there’s one thing every woman needs, it’s more clothes and more shoes.. Even if said woman has just purchased new clothes or new shoes. If said woman then doesn’t get to her need of new clothes or shoes fulfilled.. Well, things get increasingly ugly.. And as such, it goes to reason that Tina, having actually been a good girl and not bought (or well, technically been allowed to buy) clothes or shoes for months on end, must be about at her wits end right now.
When Tina then runs into a hoodie from one of her favorite brands in her absolute favorite color at a heavily discounted price.. Well, I guess you can all imagine the number of “aaaww, woe is poor little old me, I wish I possibly had the money to buy this shirt. I wish there were some way. Do you think maybe, possibly, just maybe in an odd chance there might be a way?” I’ve had to put up with.. Again, cute, charming, but a little tiring in the long run.. And really, with how little I see my little friend, I quite honestly could think of better ways to spend the time than talking about her love for a pink hoodie, even if it was a nice and pretty pink hoodie. So I decided to put an end to the madness!
And so, in a very un-metal like kind of moment. I did something I’ve never quite done before. I, Johan, went alone into a women’s clothing store, grabbed a pink Diesel hoodie and went to the register.. “Aww, a little gift for Tina?” went Mette, store owner and clerk of the day (who apparently know both Tina and I too well). “What? No, are you kidding me?,” I replied.. “I mean, look at it.. It’s just my color!” – “That may well be,” came the reply, “but it’s also a size small, hence certainly no for you, so I’ll repeat my question..” Hard pressed by this onslaught of female logic, I gave in and admitted that Tina hadn’t really been talking about anything else for the past three days, that I was going insane from hearing about pink hoodies and that I knew she wouldn’t have the money, but ultimately couldn’t bear the thought of her not getting the damn shirt that meant so much to her.. And, as such, I’d decided to play the part of the helpful and considerate friend and get the damn shirt for her. “Aww,” came the reply pretty simply.
Having bought my first ever pink clothing item, I exited the store, quickly, doing whatever I could to hide both the pretty tell-tale paper bag from the store as well as its hot pink contents on the rest of my walk around town. Actually, right around the time when I did exit the store, Tina called and set up a date for later in the day as well as asking me to go to the store to have the pink shirt of her dreams put aside for her. This of course led me to set up a elaborate string of lies about where I was and what I was doing and whether or not I had just been in or near the store.. As to not spoil the surprise I was so desperately trying to plan out. This, incidentally, also marked the first time I’ve ever lied to Tina which felt fucking weird, but I figured it would count as one of those forgivable, little, white lies.
Anyways, Tina wanted to hook up later in the day, so I decided that I’d spend the couple of hours in which she did whatever it was she needed to do before meeting up just walking around town and enjoying the weather, then go meet up with her and present her with her new favorite shirt to be. I should point out that I have not gone entirely crazy and decided to fund Tina’s clothing budget alongside buying her expensive dinners and treating her to various good eats and wines. I merely know Tina well enough to realize that come hell or high water she wanted that shirt and was going to get it. I figured that rather than spending money she didn’t have, I’d just get it and she could always repay me in due time. Additionally, the poor girl has been struggling hard now for weeks to get some wages she’s rightfully deserved for performing a job for a bunch of fuckheads who not only offered her horrible working conditions but are not even showing her the respect of paying her the wages she’s rightfully deserved.. The wages were more than likely partially going into the shirt, but since her every day of the week began with a distinct absence of the wages and a new excuse from the fuckhead ex-employers, it didn’t look like they were going into the shirt any day soon which just served to make poor Tina even more sad.. So what does the good friend do? He of course buys the shirt to brighten her day, then lends her the money to whenever the fuckheads get their act together and pay what they owe her.. Right? Well, that’s what I did anyways!
And so, pink shirt still in hand, I went to pick up Tina from a meeting she’d been at. As per usual I was greeted with a warm hug, but also a kind of suspicious “what’ve you got there?” as Tina noticed the bag in my hand.. “It’s, uhh, only the shirt you’ve been wanting,” I admitted and showed her the bag. “You’re fucking crazy,” she said while the smile lighting up her face revealed that in reality she probably thought me more sweet than crazy. “I told you to have it up aside!” – “It is aside,” I argued, “in fact it’s been at my side for hours now!” – Tina, of course, had nothing but smiles and head shakes in response to this explanation. “You’re crazy,” my broken record of a friend repeated; “Do you even know if it’s gonna fit?!”
“Of course it’s gonna fit!” I countered, “Baby, I’ve known you for six fucking years, I think I about know your size by now.. And it looked as if it’d fit.. And if it doesn’t, I owe you DKK 300.. So of course it’s gonna fit and you’ll love it!” Even Tina, who has a nasty habit of disagreeing with me just for the sake of disagreeing, couldn’t argue against me knowing a thing or two – maybe even a little too much – about her size, fit and general preferences, so on we went home to her place to first and foremost try on my new purchase.. And, well, need I even mention that it was a perfect match? And that the two of them looked smashing together, especially when the shirt was paired with her pink Converse shoes? No, matter of factly, I don’t think I need to mention that, because I don’t exactly feel very manly admitting that Tina looks both cute and very pretty in pink, so we’ll skip that.. In fact, with all this space sacrificed on something as silly as a pink hoodie and now that Tina actually owns the thing which she’s been proudly and happily displaying for three days now, can we (as per the title of this post) PLEASE agree to shut the fuck up about pink hoodies already?