Trees, the lesser of two evils

The though process was painfully simple.. “WEEE!!,” I thought as I sprinted carelessly down the slope “I’m FREEEEE!”, “WHOA, TREE!!” was the next thing to cross my mind: “Apply brakes!” – “HALP!”, *THUD*, and “Pain!” were the next things to register – in that particular order. Then the world sorta spun and got dark for a bit until I regained the use of my senses and first and foremost registered the unmistakable sound of Tina’s cute little giggle.. I blinked my eyes a few times, focused on the top of the small, yet surprisingly steep hill in the forest I’d just come chasing down and watched a few figures start to appear, the first was that of Tina who’d gone from a giggle to a head-shaking laugh at my public display of stupidity, the second was that of her boyfriend Jeppe, who bellowed a “Well done, Johan Johansen!” down at me, and the third was that of Gizmo.. I mean Malene.. who was wearing a Gizmo tee and sorta scratching her head at the entire commotion.

“I… Err..” I ventured, scrambling to pick myself up from the pile of twigs, leaves and my own arms and legs I’d landed in, “I.. Err.. I goned found a tree!” – Tina’s reaction was all too familiar, she tilted her head about 13 degrees, smiled at me with her patented mix of affection and wonder and, for what must have been around the 5272nd time over the course of our friendship, stated: “You’re such an idiot!” – “That may well be, I said, slowly picking myself up, dusting off my clothes and checking my bruises and scratches, “but I’m your favorite idiot, I might add!” – her smile simply widened in response and as a natural result I forgot all about bumps and bruises and the fact that not ten minutes earlier, I’d been in a pretty rotten mood.. This is just the kinda effect we have on one another and our moods, I’ve given up trying to understand..

To understand why I was in such a rotten mood and why I was chasing down hills crashing into trees in the first place, we’ll probably have to go back a while..

You may have been able to gather, from the lack of posts and my bitching at regular intervals that my life has been a little busy and stressful lately. I’m generally okay with that, I don’t mind being busy, but regardless, it’s not always easy being stressed out – especially when the stress relates to your living situation and your job situation.. Every once in a while, for half a day or a day, even a few days, it just gets to me and I grow a little pouty and irritable.. The day of my date (slash full frontal collision) with the tree was one of those very days.. I’d been kinda grumpy and irritable all morning when Tina texted me and suggested we go enjoy the fine weather together. Perfect timing on her part, really, had it not been for the fact that immediately after I said okay, I realized that my keys at some point during the course of the morning had gone missing and I had no idea where they were. Not an entirely unusual situation for me, I must admit, but on this day it was one of those little straws that helped break the camels back. I did eventually locate my keys but not until after a long, thorough search. As I did, Tina and entourage arrived by car which kinda weirded me out because I was looking to go for a walk and blow off some steam, not go riding around in cars.

In my state, I took that as an excuse to start whining and bitching and questioning everything – for which I subsequently apologized, thank you very much, but regardless went into the car and drove with the gang to the beach, muttering to myself all the way, something I continued to do when we got to the beach and got out to walk. I even took it far enough as to start snapping at Tina for reasons I don’t even fully remember to this date but I reckon it had something to do with herbs. While the others probably went on their way thinking that everything was just fine and normal – a testament to how much Tina and I generally fight and bicker, just for the fun of it – Tina at around this time seemed to pick up on the fact that all was not well in Johan-land and acted accordingly – by slapping me!

.. Which is something she’s taken to doing lately and something that I let her get away with because, let’s face it, Tina hits like a girl (I’m kidding, baby!) and her slaps are generally playful or out of love and compassion..

“Oww!” I ventured, at which point she slapped me again, scolding me and telling me to stop being such a girly bitch and informing me, with a smile, who was in fact the girl in this relationship of ours. Which again, strangely, made everything better.. Because, well, a slap and a scolding is a form of attention, right? It’s a strange kind of attention, but it’s a kind of attention anyways, and in our grand scheme of communication it’s a form of showing recognition of a problem as well – much in the same way as my shoving Tina around when she’s being pouty and telling her to lighten up..  Wow, okay, looking at it this way, it makes no sense to me either.. But trust me, it’s just how we roll. We have strange ways of showing things, but Tina was basically showing me that she’d noticed I wasn’t doing too well and that she was there for me and that she furthermore thought I should cheer up.. That and she was smiling at me, and it’s a basic law of nature that I can’t be mad whenever Tina smiles at me.. So from then on I gradually and quickly started feeling a lot better as we started climbing from the beach and into the forrest above it.

By the time we’d thrashed around in the forrest for a while, I was feeling a lot lighter and happier and was actually back to being my own giddy, adventurous and stupid self, so by the time we got to a fork in the road where one road was leading away from the forest and another, bended and obviously less traveled road led down a hill and into the darkness of the woods I had one of my classic moments.. Suddenly an image of Zascha flashed in my mind which I, even if I think of her often, admittedly found a bit weird – but then the name Robert Frost flashed, and I suddenly got it.. “And I – I took the one less traveled!” I cried out in my mind and without really thinking about it took off in a full sprint down the less traveled road..

Which was a pretty unreasonable, unprovoked and unsafe move for a guy nearly in his 30’s with no immediate idea of what he was doing – and probably not exactly what Robert Frost had in mind when he wrote his classic poem “The Road Not Taken” – but my my mind works by association and sometimes that lands me in pretty weird situations such as this.. Where I was suddenly bolting down an increasingly steep hill, not knowing where I was going or there the end was leading, realizing only entirely too late that the road came to a dead end at the foot of a massive, old tree and that there was no chance in hell that, having finally gotten my old body into gear, I’d be able to stop before colliding with the tree.. So I did what anyone in my situation would have done, applied the breaks and got ready for the impact ahead best as I could.. Which was, well, not very good as could probably be gathered from the opening paragraph of this rant.

It wasn’t actually until after I had gotten up, dusted myself off and the laughter had died down that I realized that not three feet after the tree trunk I’d so ungraciously collided with was a deep, completely vertical drop leading to the beach several meters below us.. Which kinda sent a bit of a chill through me and had me walking off with the conclusion that sometimes The Road not Taken is a bleeding whore and sometimes, just sometimes, trees are the lesser of two evils.


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