Johan cooks dinner, Part 1: Aiming to impress gets harder as time goes by

It’s becoming more and more evident, I’ve created a monster. In so far as a pretty, little girls with expensive habits can be considered monsters.. And I’m pretty sure they can!

What I mean to say is that over the years, I seem to have turned on to sharing my love for quality ingredients, fine wines, good spirits, gourmet foods and elaborately planned, prepared and executed meals. This has resulted in Tina not only developing nice, curvy hips and a well-rounded butt that I take credit for whenever I can (Hey, I like big butts and I cannot lie..), but also a borderline geeky fascination with my many cooking experiments and adventures, and the results there-of. As a result, we’ve shared countless (probably thousands by now) meals over the years ranging from everything from everyday creations to insanely elaborate creations using some of the rarest and most expensive ingredients in the world. It’s been one hell of a ride and we’ve had a ton of fun together along the way.. And it’s one of the blessings of having a slightly geeky best friend in that I’ve found someone who actually understands and partially shares my borderline neurotic obsession with food and food preparations.. The downside to it all is, of course, that as I fill her with more and more elaborate creations and finer and finer ingredients, it gets increasingly hard to really impress and wow her.

Not that she doesn’t appreciate the smaller things in life, she really does, and she’ll love a quickly cooked every day meal as much as the next guy and/or gal.. But if I’m to really impress her and knock her off her feet with a cooking project, I’d better get up fucking early in the morning (preferably for several days in a row) and put on my A game. Coz this little girl is spoiled absolutely silly when it comes to wining and dining and has developed some very expensive habits. Which is, naturally and entirely, my own damn fault – and something I secretly appreciate because it gives me a chance to really play around with some things as well as to, every now and then, prepare some entirely over the top and fucking expensive creations for myself and her to share, using the standard excuse that it’s all Tina’s fault because of her expensive habits and her being high maintenance.. It’s not really fair to blame her, I guess, but that’s just how I roll and I’m gonna keep doing it. Tina, in return, will complain a little about this obvious abuse and blatant lying, but only ever so slightly, because in he end her reward for putting up with it is some pretty exclusive creations.

Why am I painting this picture? Simply to explain why the third biannual gourmet dinner that I created for Tina yesterday was a pretty terrifying ordeal. How do you impress someone who has already drunk some of the best wines you’ve been able to find, whom you have already fed Caviar, truffles, saffron and variations of lobster? Someone who even took a timeout from the last gourmet dinner you fed her to slip into that little black dress of hers that you like simply because she didn’t deem herself pretty and fancy enough to match the gorgeous food served.. Well, as proven by my many considerations, careful planning, experiments and what not over the last couple of months, and my non-stop effort over the last few days.. It wasn’t going to be easy.. It was a long up-hill battle, but in the end it was worth it and in the end I came up victorious. It was a drag at times, it wasn’t always fun, and there were some nights I didn’t sleep quite as well as I should have.. But with that being said, last night was (if I dare say so myself) definitely the best, most memorable dining experience of my life – not only that, it was probably one of the best, most memorable nights of my life – overall.. And it only took me about six months to get there, starting with the planning..

Yeah, there, I said it. Most chefs will tell you that if you really want to wow the ladies, you should give them the impression that cooking is the easiest thing in the world and that it’s done effortless to their liking. I’m just gonna go ahead and call bullshit on that assumption because if there’s one thing I do know about women it is that they wholeheartedly enjoy being the center of attention and that they in no way object to fact that you’ve put thought, time and effort into going that extra little mile for them.. So I am just gonna say it like it is, planning a ten course gourmet dinner is not easy, not by a long shot, especially not if you’re me, and your guest is who she is.. It’s a fuck of a lot of fun, though, and a good challenge.

So, how does one go about creating a ten course gourmet dinner? Well, that’s probably a post of it’s own..


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