I am so smart, I am so smart! S-M-R-T.. Oh, wait, I’m an idiot!

So, as the regular, observant reader may have noticed, I’m not exactly much of a fan of yard work.. But still, I try my best. I’ve wrestled with stinging nettles, I’ve tried to cut down and shape some of the bushes only to conclude that I’ll wait until Thursday when Tina and Jeppe show up to help.. I’v even tried mowing the lawn myself in lack of my beautiful assistant to lend me, well, assistance with the task.. It’s been challenging, to some extend it’s been fun (insofar as realizing that I’m absolutely helpless in the real world without Tina can be considered fun), and at times, it’s been downright frustrating..

One thing in particular, I have a bit of an ambivalent love/hate relationship with is the big, century-old apple tree conveniently located on the lawn. I mean, it’s all nice and big and rustic and pretty.. But it sheds fruit.. By God does it shed a lot of fruit. For days, I’d been picking up fallen apples by the bucket load every single day and carrying them to the trash.. Until one day when I decided no more, ha-ha, I’m smarter than this!

So I got hold of this grand, big, extra thick plastic bag and placed it under the tree. My plan was as simple as it was genius: Simply sweep the apples into the bag each day and in four or five day’s time, carry it to the trash and deposit all apples at once.. Brilliant!

Oh, I was so proud of myself as I went to pick up the huge load of apples. In just four short days I had a giant, transparent plastic bag full of apples ready to be carried away and deposited in the trash. For once I felt like I’d done something that was both all gardening-like and all smart-like at the same time.

I grabbed the plastic thing, thinking wow, this is pretty heavy, I’d better support it under the bottom as well as to not make myself look like an idiot in a few minutes. And so I did, proudly carrying my load of about 60 kilos worth o fallen fruit, already thinking of how much I was gonna brag to everybody about have efficient I’d been in my gardening.

And to my credit, even with the amount of cockiness and self-pride I’d put up, things went surprisingly well for most of the walk to the trash, I was even starting to wonder where the whole karma thing was at.. When suddenly I heard a rather subtle ripping sound coming from the bag in my hands. “Oh fudge,” I thought, “this is a highly problematic predicament!” and quickly picked up my pace towards the trash.. And I nearly made it.. I nearly made it before watching and feeling my grand plan disintegrating in my hands. An even louder ripping sound accompanied by the unmistakable sound of fallen fruit hitting the ground gave way to a full-blown fruit avalanche as the the bag came apart and hundreds of apples started pouring down me and down to the floor.

In a few short seconds, it was all over.. And I must’ve looked pretty pathetic as I stood there, ripped heavy duty plastic bag in one hand, a disheartening pout on my face, t-shirt and jeans wet from a combination of rain, apple juice and what have you and hundreds and hundreds of apples strewn around me while the trash can was practically laughing at me from just a few feet away.. Oh bugger all!

Of course, as the old, Danish saying goes: Nothing is so entirely bad that it’s not good for something. And as luck would have it, right in between my genius gardening adventures, I was texting back and forth with Tina who was feeling a little blue, desperately trying to put a smile back on her face.. Well, as we all know by now, if there’s one thing that makes Tina happy, it’s Johan being an idiot.. So I did the only thing that I possibly could to make the situation better, I took a picture of the mess I had just made and sent it to Tina with an added explanation and the subject “here’s something that’ll put a smile back on your face and make you laugh”

The answer came rather promptly in the shape of “Hahaha :)” which was good enough for me. At least my feeble, idiotic attempts of smarter gardening had led to something good then.. And not just to me ending up spending a lot of extra time cleaning up after my initial attempt to save time and effort.


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