Category Archives: Movies

Johan and Tina’s Wild Weekend Adventures, Part 4

Our sleeping arrangements may not have been all that we’d bargained or hoped for, but it pretty quickly turned out that the weirdness and uncertainty regarding these were nothing compared to the weirdness and uncertainty of our Sunday.

I didn’t really get a good night’s sleep from Saturday to Sunday. For starters, we got to bed at like 5 AM, moreover I was actually cold and freezing for a change and lastly, I’m not really good at spending the night on couches in unfamiliar homes, but that’s just me. Consequently, I took ages just to get to sleep and when I did, I only enjoyed a few hours of constantly interrupted sleep as I had a weird habit of stirring awake about every five minutes.. Boo! Eventually, I heard the welcome sound of Tina stirring and starting to get up and a few minutes later, she popped her head in to see how I was doing.. And thus began a long, strange waiting game that lasted most of the day.

See, we did find ourselves in a bit of a predicament. Having had to change sleeping arrangements in the middle of the night and having borrowed Kim’s house with him and his girlfriend driving on to sleep at her place meant that, well, that we were essentially stuck in the middle of nowhere without Tina’s car and without any way of getting to it other than Kim getting up and driving home (as promised) and giving us a ride back to Tina’s car.. This had been the plan all along, but it was also a plan that was coined long before Kim got completely off of his ass drunk and started thrashing around making little to no sense.

Having had the night to sleep on and ponder this fact, we then realized that we might be running a little late on this particular day, but we had no idea how bad things were to get.. And when we got up, pretty much everything we could think about was breakfast and coffee.. And Kim of course had neither in the house! So, first things first were to call Kim not only in an effort to wake him from his sleep, but also to get directions to a nearby bakery where we could get some food – and hopefully coffee, too. To his credit, Kim did reply, not feeling too good, obviously, but he did give us directions towards the bakery, so into the cool morning air Tina and I went to get some food while, we thought, Kim got up and got ready to go pick us up.

For the record, I’ll advise anybody against getting stuck in tiny Danish villages without food on hand, it’s not that you can’t get food, it’s just that it’s hellishly expensive. We ended up taking a long, nice brisk walk to the nearest bakery and then blowing about DKK 1oo of Tina’s hard earned money on a loaf of bread, some cheese and a small canister of freeze dried coffee. Ridiculous! But we were hungry and happily returned “home” to brew up a few cups of freeze dried coffee and chomp down on a few slices of walnut bread with cheese while watching Disney’s “Cars”.. Aside from the fact that it was really rather cold without central heating, curling up on the couch with crappy coffee and overpriced breakfast was actually surprisingly nice like.

By the end of the movie, which was surprisingly good by the way, we were kinda starting to wonder where the hell Kim was at. The clock had now passed 1 PM and Tina had a football game at just past 2 PM which it was now becoming clear that she wasn’t going to make. We therefore decided to place yet another call to Kim only to discover that he had actually fallen asleep again rather than getting up.. Lovely! Tina scolded him a bit and told him to get his ass in gear while we settled down to watch yet another movie in the form of Ice Age 2 which I thought I’d seen, but apparently hadn’t. Upon having watched this movie and watched the clock progress even further, Tina and I were now starting to get downright grumpy. Not only had we both missed an appointment that day, we were also quickly running out of things to do in a rather empty house without central heating and a working TV signal. So, after placing more frantic phone calls to a still sleeping Kim, we got up and went for another walk around the village, covering all of it at least twice in the half hour or so we walked around for while trying to get Kim off his ass.

Following several failed attempts and angry phone calls, we finally managed to get him on his way at around 5 PM and returned to the house to wait for him and his girlfriend to arrive which they did without much splendor some time later. Upon seeing Kim, it was pretty obvious why things had taken some time. The poor guy looked completely beside himself, shaking, pale and absolutely not looking fit for fight and I was actually kinda surprise that he’d actually made the trip back to the house. It also became clear that he wasn’t driving us anywhere that day so while he settled down to rest his poor, beaten body, his girlfriend, Karina, got us into her car and drove us back to Tina’s uncle’s place where Tina’s car was waiting. Here we made our quick goodbyes with her and got ready to move on, but not before checking in on Lars and Pia..

Who, surprise surprise, also looked more than a little worse for wear on this bright Sunday. We hung around for a while chatting with them and sharing impressions of the night before heading on on our quest to find our way back to Kolding.. Which we did by way of Tina’s parents whom we wanted to just drop in on to say hi while we were in the neighborhood anyways. We only managed to get hold of Tina’s mother, though, since her dad was out, but we did manage a cosy little talk with her before once again jumping in the car and heading back to Kolding.

On the way, we actually managed to (not literally) bump into Tina’s dad who was in turn on his way back home, so we created a nice little road block for a few minutes while parked on a country road chatting with him through open windows.. Good times!

By the time we were nearly back to Kolding, both of us were growing extremely hungry and since we were planning a whole roast chicken for dinner which, all things being equal, takes one hell of a long time to cook. It didn’t take much convincing for either of us (even me) to stop by Mickey D’s drive through on the way and get a few cheeseburgers just to keep the hunger at bay while the chicken cooked.

We finally made it back to Tina’s at around 7 PM, I think, and sat down to devour our Mickey D’s which we managed to do in about five minutes total and I must admit (don’t tell Tina) that I actually enjoyed it for a change. While we ate, the oven preheated and once we’d finished eating I got to work on gutting and rinsing the chicken. I really wanted Tina to do that part as she has much smaller hands and would have much easier access to the cavity, but I’d kinda guessed her answer in advance and as thus refrained from asking. Once clean, I stuffed the chicken with some quartered lemons and a whole bunch of garlic and shoved in in the oven for what was to be an unidentifiable amount of time. We then sat down to watch some CSI while the chicken cooked and all was good for a while.

Neither Tina nor I had roasted a whole chicken before so the timing on the chicken, sauce and potatoes went a little askew. Or, a lot really, but we survived and managed in the end. One important lesson learned is that you should really check if a chicken is done on both sides before starting to carve it because raw chicken juices spilling all over a small kitchen equals not only a righteous mess but a bit of a biohazard to boot! So, note to self, do that next time.

Once the chicken had finished its second trip in the oven and the potatoes and sauce had been kept warm for about half an hour, we were ready to once again carve the beast.. Which, again, was something that neither of us had attempted before, so I just sorta improvised.. And I’d like to say that it all went rather well. If you disregard the fact that I accidentally tore the leg bones off, snapped a few other bones and never managed to cut through the carcass. So, really, I didn’t do very well at all, but since it was just the two of us, we settled for a mess of boneless, shredded and roughly chopped chicken pieces, served on a community plate. Oh well. The important thing was that the bird was surprisingly juice and tasty, so despite having made an ungodly mess and nearly infected the both of us with food borne illnesses, we couldn’t help but sit there, eating our 9 PM dinner and patting ourselves on the backs for a job well done. It had been a long, tiring day that didn’t go anything like planned at all, but sitting there eating roasted chicken at way too late in the evening, it didn’t all seem so bad at all.. And, of course, we both ended up eating much more than we should have, resulting in the familiar sight of both of us giving two fucks about the dishes and just collapsing into Tina’s most comfortable chairs and laying there in a food coma for a few hours.

I quite honestly didn’t have the strength to get up for what seemed like at least two hours and when I finally did, it was only to clean up a bit of the remaining mess, wrap up the carcass of the chicken, thank Tina for a wonderful weekend and give her a big hug before dragging myself and the bird down the stairs, throwing the bird in the dumpster and then dragging myself on home. It really had been a most awesome and partially spontaneous but cozy weekend and thanks to my new work schedule and job hunting ways, it has taken me more than a week to actually relate all of it.. But there you go, we appear to have come full circle!


“You can’t be a professional alcoholic without a bottle of wine”

That, ladies and gentlemen, was last week’s quote of the week.. And it wasn’t even said by me, but rather by tiny sidekick and favorite professional drunk, Tina.. On a Sunday evening, none the less, but more on that later.. Coz it’s been a long weekend..

After weeks and weeks of complaining that I never got to socialize anymore, I’ve actually had a very busy and extremely sociable weekend, starting out on Friday afternoon where Tina texted me up and went “Since we’re heading out to the same place tonight, how about you come down and we call it a working day?” Not usually being one to turn down a good offer, I quickly accepted and headed off to do a few important things on the way (namely purchasing cheap beer for the night ahead and expensive wine for my birthday). I then headed down to Tina’s where she greeted me and immediately scolded me for not buying cheap beer for her as well when I had the opportunity. I figured she had a point and since we were lacking a few ingredients for the dinner we made up on the fly, I excused myself and headed out again to catch some sunlight, a few beers for Tina and a few ingredients for dinner.. A trip that went reasonably well, all things considered.. I mean, I had a nice walk, I got the beers, I got some extra veggies for the Thai Curry we had agreed on for dinner.. And then things kinda got a little out of hand as I once again started worrying too much about food aesthetics and flavor profiles. Long story short, I took a rare, quick, personal decision and abandoned the thought of using the red curry paste Tina had in her fridge and instead decided to go with green curry paste to match the predominantly green veggies at hand. I also completely threw myself off track deciding that we needed a few quality beers for our dinner and stalling completely when I noticed the store had some 250 different kinds to chose between.

It should probably come as no surprise that once I returned not only with the beers and noodles I’d set out to get – but also some different beers entirely, a few spur of the moment purchases and a entirely different plan for dinner, Tina was more than a little confused. I spent some time trying to explain the complete wrongness in mixing green veggies with red curry paste and the resulting clashes in both aesthetics and flavor.. Which served only to make Tina pat me on the arm, shake her head a little, smile kindly and utter the by now familiar words “Honey, I know you think you’re explaining yourself, but you’re really not!” She did, however, love the flower I’d picked for her on the way mainly because I thought it was pretty and it’d match her being pretty, partly because I knew she hadn’t gotten flowers in a while and lastly because I got a laugh out of people’s reactions to watching a long haired guy in a Motörhead t-shirt picking flowers by the side of the road.

Having spent some time once again debating my state of mental well-being, we actually sat down and got some work done. With beers in hand, of course, as Tina pretty quickly started bugging me and begging for beer. I stood my ground for a good while despite her reasoning of “But, it’s five o’clock somewhere..” Which was, of course, correct, but we also had work to do.. So I told her she’d just have to be patient and wait till 4 PM when it was five o’clock in Cairo. Which she, to her credit, actually did without complaining I did not expect that!

After a 4 PM beer, some more work and a nice little walk to clear our heads, both of us started complaining about being hungry, so I got started on cooking dinner which was consumed to the very last mouthful, like literally. There was even some fighting going on over the last few mouthfuls, so I guess I finally got my point across on the matching of colors and flavors anyways.

After dinner, another beer and some prettying up of Tina, we grabbed or remaining beer and headed on down to Tommy who was hosting a get-together for a few friends.  He had some friends from Sealand over and had invited Jesper as well.. And Tina and I, of course, as well as a few others. It turned out to be a pretty cozy and confusing ordeal where I spent a lot of time talking to Jesper about fine food and cooking, some time trying to explain the nature of the relationship between Tina and I to one of the Sealander guys, serving only to confuse him further and ended up getting pretty confused myself when one of Tommy’s other friends, Mark, showed up and both of us were like “Haven’t we seen each other before?” After a lot of time spent just staring at each other, it turned out that yea, we had, his mom worked for my parents like twenty years ago and we used to hang out.. Like ages and ages ago.. A very weird, drunken case of “It’s a small, small world” .. From then on, things generally got weirder and weirder until the night came to an end for me at around 2:30 as the others went clubbing and I decided against joining them at the particular place they were going.

I started out Saturday sooner than I’d usually do after a night out drinking, but then again it had been an early night for me without too many beers and I also had to pick up my laptop that I’d left over at Tina’s the night before because I didn’t want to take a Macbook Pro partying with me. Even with the relatively low amount of beer, getting out of bed and down to Tina’s was a bit of a struggle. I guess I really am getting older. But either way, things quickly got better when I arrived down there and Tina asked me if I knew how to cook an omelet and if I’d care to help her. Turns out she was on the last stages of making breakfast and had prepared enough for two. What a sweetheart.. And no, I don’t know a whole lot about cooking omelets, but I helped anyways coz I do loves me some free food and I think it all turned out pretty well.

After a nice breakfast, I grabbed my stuff and headed on home to rest a bit which I managed for all of an hour or two before Dunkel started bugging me to hang out. An offer I accepted once he started talking about free dinner and possibly having a few beers.. More free food? And beer? Yes please! As luck would have it,  I actually had a quality brew in the fridge so I grabbed that on my way and headed down to Dunkel’s from where we went on to the store to pick up some food. Initially, we failed pretty miserably at finding dinner but eventually settled on some spaghetti and meat sauce variation with garlic bread on the side. We then went on to look at some beer which is, of course, where things once again went wrong. It all started when Dunkel found some weird ass Blueberry Hill Ale, brewed with (you guessed it) blueberry and made as a tribute to the classic song “Blueberry Hill”. Since we both love the song, we agreed that Dunkel should buy both of us one of them blueberry things, in return, I bought us both an Erdinger Weissbeer, in return of which Dunkel bought us a Chimay Bleu.. It escalated along those general lines for a while until we’d picked up a wide assortment of everything that seemed interesting and decided we’d probably better call it quits or run the risk of going blind later that night.. So we went to the checkout and then back to Dunkel’s where we cooked up some food, popped open a few cold ones, threw some Bill Maher ( on the tv, including his new movie Religulous and laughed at that a bit while sampling random beers and ciders.. It was all pretty good times even if the Blueberry Hill ales were sadly disappointing.. Apparently, you shouldn’t mix beer and blueberry, who’d have thunk?

It all lasted till about 3 AM when I staggered home nicely liquored up to do some geeking about before finally being able to fall asleep at around 6:30 AM. As a result, I slept in really, really late the day after.. Y’know, just for a change.. And when I did wake up, I had a killer hangover to boot.. Yay me! So I spent most of the day being completely out on the couch. It wasn’t before 5 PM or so that I actually got my shit together, got up and set out on my planned quest of the day: Preparing a batch of lasagna made from fresh pasta, home-made béchamel sauce and a few servings of the “perfect Bolognese” I made last week. It was quite a grueling task to complete, especially with a hangover to boot, but the result was well worth it.

Something I quickly remembered to text Tina about as I’d earlier promised her a few servings of leftovers. She seemed positively thrilled about this and quite jealous of my having lasagna and her not having any. I on the other hand, was a little jealous that she was thinking about popping open some wine (as if I hadn’t already had enough to drink that weekend, oh well). Well, long story short, some ten minutes after deciding that tonight was probably not a good night to hang out, I was on my way down to Tina’s with a serving of lasagna in my hands while she was busy popping open a bottle of wine for us to share. Apparently good food and good wine trumps bad moods. Oh well, I’m actually pretty glad we got each other talked into hanging out. The lasagna earned three consecutive “yums” after Tina’s first bite, which is the highest score ever on “the Tina yum-scale of deliciousness”, and the merlot was absolutely delicious as well! The words at the beginning of this post were actually spoken some time during this evening by Tina as she went to pour our second glass of wine and made in reference to her joking about dropping out and becoming a professional alcoholic rather than finishing her education.. Well, I don’t know about that, but I certainly don’t mind sharing a bottle of wine with her on a weekly basis.. Errm, or a little more often than that.. Even if that only makes us semi-pro alcoholics.

We, of course, ended up sharing the entire bottle while lounging back and enjoying a few episodes of Big Bang Theory and a few Metallica documentaries.. I eventually ended up back home at 0:30 AM which was probably stupid considering I had to get up at 8 AM for a meeting the next day.. But that’s how we roll, and times were good, so there.

Of blonde moments and gay moments

Tina and I both have our moments. She has her borderline dumb blonde moments, and I have my moments where I more or less knowingly engage in a series of actions that may cause the casual observer to question my heterosexuality. Usually, when our weird moments clash, good times and good fun ensues and Saturday was definitely no exception. Now, as a bit of a disclaimer and an attempt to avoid the argument that will most certainly ensue over this anyways, I would like to – once again – state for the record that I consider Tina to be an extremely smart and intelligent young woman. She just has those little moments every once in a while that end up being extremely entertaining because they fit her long, blonde hair so perfectly while clashing completely with her otherwise intelligent personality. I sometimes do her a small favor of not going into details about her blonde ways or little slip-ups on here, mainly when she’s begged me not to – or been a real sweetheart or spoiled me in one way or another.. But, really, when she’s being beyond adorably retarded, there’s only so much I can do to keep it from getting out..  Oh, speaking of adorably retarded, I would, finally, also like to state for the record that I use the words “adorably retarded” and “adorable retard” in the most affectionate way possible.. Right, that’s the disclaimer out of the way, eh?

So, here’s the scenario.. Without going into details, i think it’s pretty fair to say that Tina has been having a pretty hard time lately. This is no the time or media to discuss such things, but I think it’s fair to say she had a lot to deal with including work, her thesis, breaking up with her boyfriend and everything else. She’s been a tough little fighter through it all, but I still couldn’t help but feel that she needed to be spoiled a little, so I convinced her she should spent Saturday evening with me and let me cook her some food and pour her some good wine. Well, she kinda suggested it herself, but I was right on my way to launching an invitation her way when she texted me and asked the exact question I was gonna pose: “Wanna hang out Saturday and have dinner?” I guess that’s just the way we roll.

I kinda spent the next few days planning things and over those few days, plans kinda changed a little as well. Tina asked me if I’d be interested in making the day into a working day with her, and I replied that I’d love to, as long as I could get away with just pretending to work. See, after a 60+ hour work week, I didn’t really feel like spending my Saturday working on my thesis, I would however love to keep her company. So the plan was, then, for me to pop over once I’d woken up on Saturday, she’d do some work, I’d pretend to do some work, we’d have a drink, have dinner, share a bottle of good wine and do whatever we felt like.. But, of course nothing went according to plan.. It’d have been too easy that way.

I kicked things off by oversleeping and I kinda think Tina did as well..I then wasted several hours staggering around, trying to get ready, get some food, get the last bit of shopping done and whatever else I needed in order to wholly confuse myself.. When I finally did make my way down to Tina’s, it was almost 2:30 PM, and I was kinda fearing I’d missed out on a lot – which just so happened to not be the case.. As Tina was nowhere near ahead of me as far as daily chores went. On the contrary. Apparently she’d been out with the girls the night before and one thing had led to another and one shot to a third and so on until she had apparently staggered home at 5 AM in the morning.. So rather than working on her thesis, she was in that wonderful post drunken giddy state of hers. So, I found her sitting around watching a comedy-drama thing on day-time TV about mentally retarded people.. Which, in her state, apparently was the funniest thing in the world – at any rate she spent a lot of time giggling to herself and laughing slightly at the goings on and I spent a lot of time, watching her, head tilted to the side and a puzzled smile on my lips.

As luck would have it, though, we couldn’t just sit around all day and watch retards on day-time TV. We had things to do! Namely, we had to get a tent for Tina who was heading to Italy for a week the next day. So, into Tina’s car we jumped and off we went to a local hardware store to look for cheap tents, bicker a bit about which to get, yell a little at each other while falling over innocent crouching customers and eventually get into a full-fledged argument about whether or not I was allowed to help Tina carry the tent she’d just purchased.. Oh, there was to be a lot of arguing that day.

With tent in hand (I’d managed to snatch it while Tina wasn’t looking), we (or rather Tina) headed out to buy a present for our friend Tine who’s celebrating her birthday Monday (today). Tina got her this gift certificate thing to a local SPA thing which was beautifully wrapped by the nice lady behind the counter in a wrapping leaving no doubt about where the gift was from. Tina pointed this out to the nice lady while I wasted no time in, sarcastically, telling her that she wouldn’t have that problem if she’d just wrap her presents herself like I did. Which spawned another huge argument and a fair bit of pouting and bickering, much to the amusement and confusion of the nice clerk who was merely trying to help. The joke here being that I am so notoriously bad at wrapping things but still do my best whenever I’m buying Tina a present which have led to some pretty ridiculous wrappings, including black plastic bags, tin foil and stapled together paper bags. She enjoys this to a point where my creative wrappings are now a huge part of the thrill for her whenever she gets a present from me, but apparently the suggestion that she could just shape up like me and learn to wrap things properly.. Well, it didn’t sit too well, and as a result, we were still arguing on our way out and even as we got in the car to drive to Tine’s and deliver the present.

As we arrived at Tine’s, we took a small break from arguing to enjoy the sun while waiting for Tine and her boyfriend, Henrik, to also show up. Apparently they’d been out shopping and we’d arrived a little before them, so we kicked back, talked and just plain enjoyed the fine weather for about ten minutes before the others arrived. When they did, we said our hellos and were kindly asked in, an offer we gladly accepted but not before offering to help them carry their groceries from the car, a quite noble task which ended in complete chaos as Tina and I once again exploded in each other’s faces this time in a bitter fight over whether or not Tina was allowed to be an independent , strong woman and carry the heavy bags or whether I was to help her.. Or something to that extend. Poor Henrik who isn’t really used to our loving insults and fights started looking beyond frightened at some point during it all, so I casually whispered to him not to worry, “we’re not dating or anything, we just love to fight”.. Strangely this seemed to do little in terms of calming him down and making him understand. Regardless, he seemed happy with the helping hands.

Having both helped and scared Henrik, we made our way inside and were treated to a grand tour of the house which was under extensive renovation, we then sat down, hung out and talked for a while.. Oh and we had something I’ve never had before.. A smoothie! Apparently a chilled concoction of various fresh fruits and berries, dairy products and ice. A surprisingly flaming concoction for something served so cold, and a treat that, for the first time that day, really made me question my masculinity.. But hey, Henrik was drinking it, too, so I figured it was okay.. So frosty beverages in hand, we wiled away some time talking about our respective theses and our progress on them.. Something that eventually left Tina with a bit of a bad conscience, so we figured we had better drive back and see if we (that is, she) could get some work done on hers.

We arrived back at Tina’s at around 5 PM and she immediately got to work on her thesis while I got to work on making us some coffee and doing the dishes so I’d have some space to work on and some pots, pans, plates and cutlery to dirty while cooking dinner.. Something I got started on immediately after having done the dishes and made sure Tina had coffee, and, well, popping open a cold, canned “Mojito Long Drink” that Henrik had given me.. What can I say? I cook better when I’m not sober.. And I wanted to make sure Tina got a really good and well-deserved meal.. So while she did her best to get some work done, I did my best not to distract her too much while I whipped dinner together.. Which proved hard because A) I’m very good at dropping things and hurting myself when I cook and B) apparently the smells of what I had tried so hard to put together in order to spark her prodigal appetite was driving the poor girl crazy.. Which I took to mean that my evil plan was working.

For dinner, Tina had requested something light, possibly chicken with some sort of salad. I knew to go light because of her recent lack in the appetite department, but other than that I was pretty lost. Eventually, I decided that since I was looking to spoil her silly, I’d go light and partially with what she’d requested and partially with ingredients I know she loved and throw in a little side dish I’d created inspired by her monkeying around on another occasion. So, I went with chicken steamed in vegetable stock and lemon juice with garlic, green onions and chili. Which covered the chicken part. To that I served steamed green asparagus with olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, prosciutto ham and Parmesan cheese. Which covered the light part. Furthermore, for the part of the meal inspired by Tina, I went with a salad of honey dew melon, blazing hot Fatalii chilies and fresh mint leaves, dressed in cane sugar, lime juice, extra virgin olive oil and cracked black pepper. A really interesting combination that I came up with one day after Tina had rubbed her eyes after handling chilies and I was spun into thinking about how to lessen the burn from really hot chilies (I guess we all find our inspiration in our own little ways). Finally, for the part I knew she’d love (other than the obvious addition of her favorite ingredients: chili and citrus juice and the mojitos I made to kick things off), I made some homemade garlic bread which has been.. Well, pretty much an obsession of ours since we first tried it.

I somehow managed to get all of this done using only a single burner, an oven and a fair amount of good luck and cussing. I even managed to time everything perfectly and to keep Tina from having to help which I guess partially made her feel bad, but I do think she also quite enjoyed being spoiled silly. At any rate she seemed very happy with just having to sit down for dinner and a lovely white wine courtesy of my go-to wine guy. I won’t even go into details about how much we ate or the amount of butter and olive oil consumed through these dishes, but I’m happy to see that I saw Tina eat more than I’ve seen her do in weeks, possibly months, so I’m thinking it’d be okay to call it all a success. We actually ended up sitting there for over an hour, eating, talking, laughing, listening to a bit of Rammstein in the background (as you would during any candlelight dinner) and just having a plain good time while working up the courage to get up and do the dishes. Which none of us really wanted to do given that we were perfectly fine with just being full and happy.

We did eventually muster the courage to get up and do so but not before making a little more garlic bread to eat as a reward afterwards. Again, I won’t disclose exactly how much garlic bread was eaten, but there was some giggling at the sight of Tina’s happy, full tummy. But then, neither of us had really been eating anywhere near enough lately, so it was all good.. And at any rate, we quickly got something else to talk and laugh about as Tina turns to me and goes “Y’know, that search feature on your blog, it totally doesn’t work..” I barely have time to go “Wha? No?” before the little one bursts into an insane fit of laughter and starts muttering things along the line of “I’m such an idiot!” – “Are you having one of your blonde moments again,” I ask as she struggles to regain her composure.. “Uh-huh,” she stutters, looking at me almost teary-eyed with laughter.. “I just realized that the reason it didn’t work was because I was trying so hard to do searches in Danish..” Which is when, I too just tear into a fit of laughter.. Coz, Gee-wiz, sweetheart, you’ve been reading my English language blog for going on three years now, it really should come as no surprise to you that you’d have trouble doing searches in Danish.. Even if I admire your persistence in trying and find it kinda cute that you even went through the trouble of doing alternative spellings for Danish special characters.. Better luck next time. I’ve tested it out myself and it actually works pretty well.. If you use English search terms! 😉

So much for the blonde moments, then, but what of the gay ones? Well, as it occurred to me and as I told Tina while we were watching our movie choice for the night (which just so happened to be “The Sound Of Music”), it occurred to me that I was having the least heterosexual day I’d had in a long, long time.. What with kicking the day off with smoothies on the couch, then Mojito chased by a dinner consisting mainly of steamed asparagus, melon and fruit juices, and then, now, just for good measure sipping chilled white wine while watching “The Sound Of Music” .. I mean, seriously, had it not been for the heavy metal backdrop and the pretty female companion, it would be this kinda behavior that would make people seriously question my sexuality.. Which is why I say that Tina has her blonde moments, and I, apparently, have my gay moments..

I can explain the whole “Sound of Music” thing, by the way. See, Tina has a thing for that musical.. And I have this book called “1000 movies to see before you die” which mentions “The Sound of Music”, so naturally I had to see it, and naturally I’d told Tina some time ago that it would be her responsibility to see to it that I got to see it. So when she suggested it Saturday, I jumped right on it.. That explains everything, right? Alright, okay, maybe not, but that’s just how I roll.. And it was a surprisingly good musical.. Which led to a lot of purely heterosexual discussions of the “her voice is really soothing” and “what a beautiful dress” varieties. The latter centering around a wedding dress worn near the end of the movie about which I remarked that it was indeed pretty but I wouldn’t dare drink red wine in it to which Tina, in yet another tired and adorably retarded blonde moment pouts and remarks that “Well, sorry, but there were a lot of shots last night, a lot of really good food and wine tonight and it really is quite a tight fitted dress, so I can’t really help it..” A statement which confuses me profusely for all of five minutes before Tina realizes I was talking about the dress in the movie, it’s whiteness and the ease with which one could stain it, and I, on the other hand, realize that Tina thought I was talking about her summer dress and poking fun at the fact that  her otherwise slim stomach was looking a little bloated after me force feeding her. A little on the defensive side, I reckon 😛 But it did go to prove that we were apparently both pretty tired at this point after a long day of fun, bickering and both blonde and gay moments, so when the movie conveniently ended not too long after (who’d have thunk it’d be over two hours long anyways), we decided to call it a night, said our goodbyes and I headed off, nearly forgetting not only my bag and my laptop but also the remaining dinner ingredients – something that Tina thankfully pointed out to me as I was on my way out the door – blonde moment, anyone?

Either way, I then grabbed my things, said goodbye again and this time headed home for good through streets filled with drunken idiots and loud youngsters, homewards bound. To get some sleep, which I never got because while I’d been nearly falling asleep in Tina’s bean bag chair, I apparently wasn’t feeling sleepy at all once I returned home, so instead of going straight to bed, I stayed up till like 5 AM, talking to random people on MSN, watching a few shows and wasting my time on Facebook.. Insomnia is such fun!

“Du wissen wo ist Berlin?!”

Apparently there’s this ongoing trend in my circle of friends (that I of course have nothing to do with..) that involves quoting the movie “Eurotrip” (if you haven’t already seen it – go rent or buy or whatever!) It all really escalated a few days ago when I put a quote in my Facebook status and since then, Dunkel and I have pretty much been throwing random quotes at each other on a daily basis .. With Tina and others chiming in a times for good measure.. It’s all good fun, until things turn frighteningly real..

See, Tina and I had our own little study into miscommunication pure Eurotrip style late this morning! But we’ll get to that in just a little bit. The back story is that we’d been visiting with Christian and Emelie who now live together at Christian’s place (technically now their place, I guess). Since we were invited for dinner and wine and what not last night, we figured we’d spend the night instead of driving home so that Tina could also enjoy some wine and what not.. It was all good, really.. There were five of us to begin with, we ate for like 10 people, had some good drinks, some good wine, frolicked around, threw out random Eurotrip quotes and references, insulted each other.. Some would say a little too much on my part, but that’s how I roll..Anyways, I’m sorry if I pissed you off, Tina 🙂

At some time around 3 AM, we decided on bed, having played two games of Trivial Pursuit, tipped over a few beers in the process, had a little too much wine to drink and having finished the left overs from dinner just for good measure.. All of us were pretty knackered and it didn’t really help that we were getting up six hours later in order to drive back to Kolding and get on with the day.. But such is the life of busy students.

Oh well, come morning we got up at 9 AM.. Or, Tina did and the rest of us followed in a more leisurely pace. We then cleared up the mess of the night before, ate breakfast and hung out a little before we needed to leave. Me, having probably once again miscalculated the work/rest/sleep ration was feeling pretty well knackered by this time, and I think Tina was missing her morning coffee as well. There was actually talk about hitting McD for coffee which goes to show how desperate we apparently were by then. As a result, we didn’t really chat as much as we usually do which was probably for the better because it seems that when we did, things pretty quickly went horribly wrong.

Between my history of mumbling when I talk, me being knackered and a general lack of coffee things quickly went a little askew on the communication front.. Culminating in an epic study in miscommunication which rivaled that of the infamous hitchhiking scene of Eurotrip fame:

Only our version was a bit more local: As we’re getting off the motorway and heading down to an intersection where we usually  make a right turn, Tina says something along the lines of “I wonder if it’d be possible to go straight across, then make a right further down or whatever.” My mumbling response is somewhere along the lines of “No, I’m not sure.. I think that’d just land us down by the hospital, and that’s not really where we wanna go” – So, we drive on and I keep on discussing the subject, either in my own mind or in my usual tired mumbling manner, not too sure.. Either way, when we make it to another intersection, I point left and what I think I say is something along the lines of “Doing what you just suggested, I think would just land us here.” What Tina think she’s hearing, on the other hand is more along the lines of “Hey, make a left here!” .. Which she does, in the nick of time!

Granted, I usually spent a lot of time trying to blame anything and everything on Tina, but I’ll be man enough to admit that this may have all been my fault.. Mainly because I’m pretty sure I was half-asleep and not at all coherent at the time.. So there..

Anyways, we then keep driving on, none of us really knowing where we’re going and each thinking that the other person knows what we’re doing. It’s all fun and games until Tina asks me where the hell we’re going and I reply something along the lines of “I thought you knew” which then spawns a discussion about whether or not I told her to go that way or not and the realization that Tina actually doesn’t know if we’re even in Kolding anymore.. Which I can assure her that we are, we’re just simply.. Uhh.. Taking the scenic route.. through the ghetto.. Which is a bit of a problem because it really isn’t the fastest way to my place and we kinda were running late as it was as Tina had another appointment to get to.

But eh, we figure it out, get back on track and drop me off on time, with Tina hopefully making her appointment, too.. What a mess.. And I do sincerely apologize for any part I may have played in it – Like, really! I promise I’ll get some sleep – as in a lot – as soon as I’m done with work tonight, I’ll probably even take tomorrow off from working on my thesis.. I figure my brain needs some time off..

Still, it makes me wonder.. Johan watches Ed Wood!

I watched Ed Wood today – the semi-biographical Burton movie, that is, not the actual works of the so-called worst movie maker in the world – more by accident than by anything else.. I was at Dunkel’s plowing through his collection and jokingly went.. Hey, why don’t we watch Ed Wood? And much to my surprise he went sure, so we put it on.. And I was about to be surprised in many more ways.

Firstly, I didn’t even know this was a Tim Burton movie.. Which was a welcome surprise. Also, I had no idea it starred Johnny Depp.. But that was of course just another welcome surprise because everybody knows that Tim Burton + Johnny Depp = awesome!

Now, I had every cell in my brain telling me that a movie about the worst movie-maker in Hollywood history was either gonna be really strange or really bad and/or pathetic, too.. Well, this movie has Burton behind the wheel so a the weirdness factor was a dead give-away.. But, apparently you can also leave it to Burton to make a movie about the worst director ever both gripping, funny, touching and thought-provoking.. While leaving out the bad and/or pathetic factor.. Another small surprise.

And speaking of leaving things to people.. Leave it to Johnny Depp to spend half a movie wearing ladies’ underwear, v-neck angora sweaters, skirts,  a stuffed bra and a blonde wig.. And still have every woman on the face of the planet thinking he’s drop dead sexy and leaving them in need of having his babies! Seriously, I mean, come on.. How the fuck are the rest of us gonna compete with that? Whenever I .. When I occasionally .. That one time.. I wore women’s clothing, I spent most of the time stopping pictures from being posted because I figured it’d be really bad PR.. Johnny Depp films it for the world to see and is STILL a sex symbol.. For the love of God..

But I digress.. What I really wanted to talk about, since I’m actually a huge Johnny Depp fan, was how fascinated I was by watching a Depp movie.. And being completely blown away by the character portrayal and acting.. Of someone whose name wasn’t Depp. I mean, Depp was good, but Martin Landau’s performance as my personal hero of the horror genre, Béla Lugosi, was impressive to say the least.. The portrayal of the washed up, aging Hungarian drug fiend in the last year’s of his life is so spot on, well done and haunting that Dunkel and I at times seriously thought that they were either using stock footage or that Lugosi himself had risen from his grave.

So, I ended up actually liking the movie more for its portrayal of Lugosi over that of Ed Wood himself.. Which was another surprise, but only a smaller one as I have, for whatever strange reason, been really captivated by Lugosi since first watching the 1931 version of Dracula.. The supporting cast in general was way better than Depp in this one, and I’m probably gonna get slammed for saying that.. But there you go, that’s just how I felt.. And how can you not love a motley crew of old Hungarians, psychics, busty vampires, pro wrestlers and Bill Murray playing the part of an obviously flaming young man in search of a sex change? Really!

In conclusion, Ed Wood’s own movies may not have been very good.. In fact some claim they’re the worst in the world.. And they’re probably right.. Me, I’ve just finished watching Robo Vampire the other day, so I’m more than looking forward to  an Ed Wood marathon with drinks and all that jazz.. It can’t possibly be worse! But either way, his movies may have been bad.. But the semi-biographical movie made about him certainly wasn’t.. Mr Burton, I tilt my hat to you!

This movie has warped my fragile little mind!

I’ve probably said it a thousand times, but I’ll say it again: I LOVE a good scare! Horror movies are probably one of my favorite things in the world (y’know, besides good food, good wine, good spirits, good music and all that jazz). Dunkel and I probably don’t usually go much over a week before watching at least one horror movie, usually more.. We’ll even have marathons on certain evenings, turn off the lights, maybe grab a brew, dig into the pile and find something we’ve either not seen before or haven’t seen in a long time.

In that aspect, I’ll watch just about everything, most of it for shit and giggles.. Coz, let’s face it, most horror movies are pretty ridiculous and, these days quite often warp into off the mill slashers or new age exploitation movies just looking to gross you out (which is a trend I’d wished died in the 70’s).

Every now and then, though, I do run into a memorable experience.. Y’know, the kinda movie that stays hauntingly in your brain for days or weeks and making you feel ever so uncomfortable in the dark or on your own.. A feeling that I for some reason really love.. I guess I’m odd like that.. But I take it as a tribute to the film maker that he’s managed to severely mess with my mind – a place that honestly should be messed up enough to start with, but eh..

As a result, my top list of horror movies is probably a little different from most other people’s.. In some aspects at least.. Well, it does have The Exorcist on there for reasons of the acting, the contrasts and the sheer brooding, terrifying and violent mood of the movie.. But other than that, it’s pretty much a mash-up of various movies I’ve watched through the years that have left some lasting effect on me in one way or the other.

Other than The Exorcist, my list prominently features the very overlooked gem Stir Of Echoes owing mostly to the haunting flash backs, the disturbing imagery and the whole build-up in the movie that more than once leaves you to wondering whether or not you’re about to receive a major scare, and at other times just have you jumping unexpectedly out of  your chair. I’ll offer this fact as to how scary this movie can be to some: I first watched it ten years back during a trip to the states with friends and to this date, I still have the imprint of my friend at the time, Maria’s, nails on my leg from where she clung on to me in sheer terror during one of those unexpected scares.. Now if that’s not a movie to remember, I don’t know what is.

Well, maybe I do.. The Woman In Black is another widely overlooked and grossly underestimated movie. It’s a chilling 20 year old British direct to television movie that has left a lasting impression on pretty much everybody who’s ever seen it – at least that I know of. It’s not that it’s ridiculously scary throughout, but it is exceptionally moody and haunting in it’s own, little way.. And when it does try to surprise you and scare you.. It does so well! It actually is the only movie I’ve ever seen that’s actually caused me to leap out of my seat and SCREAM bloody murder in sheer shock and terror.. Dunkel will testify to this as he heard me.. Even from the other side of the house and through a few walls as he, having seen the movie before, wisely decided to leave the room and “go to the toilet” as the main scare of the movie came up.. Clever boy! I’ll willingly admit that I did have a substantial amount of trouble closing my eyes and going to sleep for days on end after that.. And that’s certainly not like me. Well, admittedly, it is, but that’s owing to insomnia, not horror movies.

I guess an emerging trend here is that I prefer psychological horror over the supernatural and cheap scare counterparts, which is brilliantly exemplified in my till now probably favorite horror movie of all time – The Innocents – a British black and white classic from 1961 which left a lasting impression on me although, ironically I’ve still to watch the end of it, as the copy we watched was messed up in one way or another.. No real matter, though.. As the intro theme in itself is pretty much enough to give anybody the creeps.. And, I shudder to admit, still gives me goosebumps months after first hearing it

Granted, the fact that I walked home late one night from Dunkel’s after watching this and distinctly heard playful, singing kid’s voices coming from the local cemetery probably didn’t help with my perception of the scare factor if this movie. So, yea, looking forward to getting a new copy of this.. And getting scared out of my mind.

But I digress. What I really wanted to mention was that I’ve found a recent addition to my now almost finished top ten of horror movies of all time.. And it’s, quite atypically, very recent (as in not only less than ten years old, but actually less than one year old) AND American. It’s called The Strangers and I like it not only coz it has Liv Tyler in it, but also because it’s pretty much 85 minutes of sheer psychological terror. I mean, screw all supernatural or ghostly aspects. There isn’t any of that in here. It’s just a look into the darker sides of the human mind – fear, evil, coldness.. All that jazz!

It’s basically the kind of movie that does a pretty good job at making you realize that some people are just downright evil and of not making you feel safe anywhere – not even within the comforting four walls of your own living room. It is haunting – but in a very natural and real kinda way.. Which is why I was surprised to see that it had gotten really mixed reviews with the major part being of the bad variety – I found it absolutely brilliant and chilling, if a bit short and one-dimensional.. And I highly recommend it to anybody in need of a good scare and a bit of insecurity. I’ve included the trailer since it was about enough to give me the creeps – so if you’re not really into this thing, you may want to steer clear of this or at least not say I didn’t warn you.

Dunkel probably put it best when he pitched the movie to me: “Dude, you gotta watch this.. I just finished it a few hours ago and I’m still not too comfortable looking over my shoulder” .. And here I am a few weeks later sharing that very same feeling and it’s been like 24 hours since I watched it.. Now if that’s not good filmmaking, I don’t know what is 😉 And no, I don’t know why I get a kick out of being scared shitless, it makes about as much sense as me getting a kick out of eating super hot chilies.. It’s just a rush, simple as that.