Category Archives: Random Spam

Five Years of Drunken Rants!

Yes, boys and girls.. Five years, indeed! That, to the date, is exactly how long we’ve kept this crazy little side project of mine going! For half of a fucking decade I’ve kept you supplied with silly accounts, great laughs on my behalf, useless info, geeky info about cuisine that probably no one but me really appreciated, music videos and more or less extreme and/or sarcastic views on the world in general.

Granted, these past few months haven’t been the busiest of the 60 months total we’ve kept this silly blog alive.. But we can aim to change that, can’t we? Shouldn’t we? Yes, I rather think we should.. As said oft times before, settling into a new job isn’t always easy, especially not if settling into a 40 hours (or more) a week position.. But I’ve got a strange kind of feeling I’ll make it and I’m slowly but steadily feeling much of my excess energy, will and ranting abilities returning to me.. So what say you we give it another go?

Besides, I kinda have to carry on.. For totally different reasons.. For one, I’m both persistent, stubborn and not really one to give up and go home (not on Friday nights at Dunkel’s, not on the social web..).. And, I think I’m a proud member of a dying breed.. Are there really any personal bloggers left out there? I haven’t seen any in a while.. Have you? They’re out there, I’m sure, but a lot have quit.. And I’m not a quitter.. Just as any good captain always goes down with his ship, a good Johan also always stays behind to shut down the party and cling on until he feels tragically unhip.. And I’m a real good sport at feeling unhip!

Errrm.. Anyways.. What I’m trying to say is don’t discount the Johan! I may have been in hibernation mode over the last couple of months of winter, but now spring is here and it just might be time to rise and shine and start spewing random weirdness, strange opinions and/or profanities!

Happy fifth birthday, https://vicarious.wordpress.com !!

I’ve become a poster boy: Johan’s first headline appearance

I mentioned in my last post that my boss thought it pretty funny to have me interviewed by a journalist and not tell me anything about it in advance.. I did find the whole story rather odd, but honestly didn’t think much about it.. Well, that is until I received the Friday afternoon edition of the Computer Reseller News newsletter..

I click through the HTML e-mail.. And what do I see but my own damn mug used as an image for one of the headline stories? “… Really?,” I think and click through to the main story on the CRN website.. And surely enough, there I am.. As a poster child for my company’s increasing focus on web-based sales and marketing:

Really? Yes, apparently so.. I mean, I know my new boss said they have great expectations for me, but to spin a story out of my recent employment in a major industry news outlet.. Really? Wow!

Mom’s gonna be so proud! 😉

All Johan wanted was to find alternative uses of the name Leviathan

.. And by gosh did he get just that?

I think I’ve just spotted my first piece of Wikipedia vandalism.. It would surely go to explain why this alternative information linking Leviathan to 15th century Japan and moldy potatoes disappeared within the relatively short time span it took me to do a screen shot.. Ahem, anyways, I laughed:

Sometimes, just sometimes, spam really brightens the day!

Like this little comment which got caught in my spam filter just hours ago as a response to my rather wordless John Lennon tribute, consisting of nothing but an image of the Imagine mosaic and the title “Strawberry Fields.. Forever..”

But, y’know, thanks.. I’m glad you like my wordless writing, kind stranger!

(Click to enlarge, if like me you have old, weary eyes)

Okay, three posts in a day, that’s officially too much, I’ll leave you guys be now..

Only in Sweden..

Okay, I have no real explanation for this – and even I think it’s kinda weird..

We all know the Grammys, right? That strange, orchestrated music event where the music industry tries to further push their darlings of the day by awarding them statuettes within such categories as artist of the year, video of the year, flute solo of the year and such things..

In Denmark, such awesome acts (right) as Medina, Nik & Jay and Rasmus Seebach walk off with a few dozen awards each every year. In America the same can be said for Eminem, Rhiana (sp?) and.. uhh.. the Dixie Chicks or some shit.

In Sweden.. Well.. Apparently in Sweden they do things a little fucking differently.. As evident by this poor quality video clip I just happened to find on Youtube which sees iconic Swedish death metal band Entombed performing alongside the Royal Swedish Ballet.. And.. Umm.. Yeah.. If you’re looking for further explanation, I’ve none to offer.. But apparently this is how they do things in Sweden..

Horns up, Sweden! \m/

Further proof there’s still hope for the younger generation!

I found this on Facebook earlier today while preparing for a job interview. I’m equally parts bemused and amused.. One part of me thinks it’s f’ing awesome, the other is really confused!

Kid’s choir performing Black Sabbath’s “Iron Man”

(another) 25 completely random facts about me

For whatever reason, my post “25 completely random facts about me” is the most popular post I’ve ever posted which did not have the words “Metallica” in the title. I’m guessing people love reading random facts about others, so since I was bored earlier today, I decided to post a follow up, so here’s another 25 completely random facts in the series.. Enjoy facts 26-50:

26. Improper use of apostrophes drives me completely up the wall. Pretty strange behavior for someone who spends most of his time communicating informally through a blog and has accepted coz as a valid substitute for “because”.

27. I couldn’t iron a shirt to save my life. I depend strongly on the women in my life to get me through the more important days in life.

28. I think that Whitesnakes “Here I Go Again” is an OK song. And by okay, I mean I secretly think it’s awesome but am afraid to admit it in public.

29. Unlike most boys, I hate the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise. I haven’t always hated the concept, my hate came about after a childhood friend put a hole in my head with a broomstick in a weak moment of thinking that he was Donatello.

30. Not long after the incident above, I was headbutted by a cow at my grandfather’s farm. I smoothened out my mug which staid somewhat even until I was run over some ten years later.. I’ve hit my head so many times I’m surprised it’s still working.

31. I firmly believe that I’m the only Danish-born rocker of my age who dislike both Dizzy Mizz Lizzy and Kashmir, the two biggest Danish rock bands of the 90’s.

32. I make fun of Tina for having 25 pairs of shoes. Yet I think it’s perfectly reasonable that I own 16 bottles of rum, 10 bottles of Whisky and five bottles of Cognac.. At least Tina gets to wear her fetish.

33. Of all religious zealots I dislike the atheists the most. It relies heavily on their condescending manner, I guess. For instance, I think that Bill Maher is one of the biggest pricks alive.. Let people believe whatever the fuck they want, we all need to find our comfort somewhere.

34. Bourbon makes me sick. Not through over-consumption, rather just in general.

35. Whenever Tina bends her head and body forwards to detangle her long blonde hair, then forcefully throws her head and hair back to send it flying back in place, I’m reminded about Sebastian Bach from Skid Row who used to do the same thing on stage. It’s a highly annoying predicament because I don’t want to look at a pretty young girl and be reminded of an aging, chubby male alcoholic. My mind generally makes some pretty weird associations.

36. This spring I decided that if my Ghost Chili bears fruit this year, I’ll cook up an experimental batch of chili con carne using Jalapeños, Habaneros and Ghost Chilies in the spice mix. This may not be the best idea I’ve ever had.

37. I honestly think I could be perfectly happy without a TV. I used to watch it about an hour a week, now I’ll turn it on and usually after about five minutes turn it off, feeling slightly stupider than I did before turning it on.

38. On the other hand, I’ve rekindled my love for reading. I’ve discovered I can read a 400 page book in less than a day if it’s interesting enough.

39. Five years ago, my greatest music interest was Scandinavian death metal, now it seems to be classic rock. Not sure whether that means I’m getting older, or cooler.

40. I’ve been burned so many times on my hands that I’ve lost a substantial amount of feeling in my fingertips. It freaks people out.

41. Though absolutely no scientific evidence exists, I believe firmly in the Five Second Rule. If bacon is involved, I’ll make it a ten second rule if need be.

42. I’ve earned a university degree in English without ever owning a Danish – English dictionary. I believe that such dictionaries lead to more mistakes than proper solutions.

43. The above is a bit of a half-truth, I own a Danish – English Economic dictionary which was given to me personally by my English professor. I accepted the gift and treasured it because I respected (and continue to respect) the man more than anyone I’ve ever learned from. I’ve never opened the book, however.

44. People get freaked out and confused when I don’t have the answers to the random questions they ask me.

45. I sometimes wish I’d been born a year earlier, for the simple reason that I could then say I’d been alive at the time of the original lineup of Led Zeppelin.. I’m not kidding.

46. There are very few things in life that I actually hate, notable examples include Fred Durst, Axl Rose and snow.

47. Some time ago, after a few beers, I told Tina that termites chomp wood two times faster when listening to heavy metal. I apparently said it so convincingly that she believed me. When she discovered the truth much later, she was quite upset with me for making the whole thing up.

48. At the age of three, I duped my grandparents into thinking I was a bit of a prodigy by reading one of my kid’s books aloud for them. I wasn’t, it just happened to be my favorite book and I’d made my dad read it for me so many times that I knew it by heart.

49. Agnostic as I am, I sometimes find myself wishing there’s such a thing as Heaven and Hell. And that there’s a special place in Heaven for people like Ronnie James Dio, and a special place in Hell for people like the dishonorable “Reverend” Fred Phelps.

50. When it comes to movies, I have a strange preference for the ones that I just plain don’t get the first time around. Some of my favorites of all time include Donnie Darko and Mulholland Drive.I like a challenge, I guess.