“Out of my way, suckers!”

Working Fridays is never much fun.. I mean, why would you wanna be stuck at work when there are beers to be had at the Uboat? It’s retarded! Luckily, though, my working nights usually end at midnight, leaving me plenty of time to drop by the Uboat on my way home. Last Friday was no exception and so at around 0:20 AM, to the tune of some retarded techno tune, I entered the stage for what was to be an epic battle against sobriety.

Immediately upon arrival, I was greeted by Dunkel, Penny, Robert, Ricki, Salah and Anne, all of whom threw up the horns, high fived me and/or hugged me before someone, possibly Dunkel, handed me a beer. Dunkel and I put this beer to good use, by standing up, shoving people away to create some elbow room and then kneeling down and chugging the beer in true hero fashion. Quite unfortunately, one of the people who happened to get shoved away was dear, little Tina who’d been waiting a week to see me and was none too happy about being disregarded in this fashion. After an apology and a nice, warm hug she softened up, though, and we set down to catch up a bit, a cozy little hourly ordeal which was only interrupted by my frequent trips to the bar or my toasting with odd passer-bys.. Oh, and Metallica, as someone got the awesome idea of blasting “Wherever I May Roam” in the midst of all the techno crap that was spewing from the speakers that evening.. An awesome initiative which was sadly thwarted by Jimmi after some five minutes, but at least we got to bang our heads a little.

After talking with Tina for a while, I sorta mingled a little, talking with people, having a few beers with them as well. I was quite pleasantly surprised by how many of them stopped me to give me the thumbs up and tell me how awesome a girl I’d bagged for myself.. Which was kinda weird, in a good way.. And hey, as if I didn’t already know that 😉 Michael went so far as to propose a toast in her honor, but then again, Michael always end up quite drunk at the Uboat.

One of the more surprising encounters I had that evening was with my landlord/house-owner, Brian, who had dropped by with a friend for a few beers. He seemed quite surprised by the whole look and feel of the place.. Apparently he wasn’t too used to guys standing around in their boxers, downing beers and singing while the guy from down stairs has quietly jumped onto the back of Michael who in turn is jumping around to the beat of the tunes being played.. Hey, welcome to the Uboat!

The stupidest, most reckless part of the evening occured at around 2 AM (I think) when Daphne got caught up talking to some girl that she didn’t really feel like talking to, and Tina informed me that we were to somehow help her out of the situation.. The only thing I could think of to do to help her was to run right down to where she was sitting, grab hold of her – with Tina filming the entire situation as it unfolded – lift her into my arms and run off with her, out the door, up the hallway – yelling frantically of people to get out of the way, throw her onto a catering table, roll her all the way to the staircase – all seven feet – lift her back up, run up the stairs with her, down another hallway, throw her into a transport cage that just happened to be standing there and wheel her all the way down to the end of said hallway only to collapse and proudly proclaim that I’d gotten her out of harm’s way.

The whole episode was only made more laughable by the fact that above-mentioned Brian was making his way home as this whole thing unfolded and basically all he got to see was me dashing along with a little blonde girl in my arms and another blonde girl chasing after me.. To which he loudly proclaimed “Dude, if you bring those two home tonight, you’re welcome to sleep upstairs!” I, of course, had to tell him that I really had no plans of bringing them home and that my lovely girlfriend more than likely would be pissed if I did, to which he applied his drunk logic and countered with a “Well, they’re welcome to sleep upstairs, then!” Thanking him for his interest in my friends, who happened to be taken, I sent him on his way home by directing him away from the campus bookstore and out the front door.. I then went back to the Uboat for some more drinks and some more crappy music.. Two things I apparently enjoyed too much because it was well past 5 AM when I finally decided to go home after having spent countless hours trying to get the people behind the bar to play some Guns N Roses. When they finally did, after I enlisted some help in the form of a girl to ask the guys to play some Roses, I left happily and staggered homewards where I arrived at around 6 AM for some much deserved sleep. After all, at that point, I’d been up for 22 hours straight.. So not cool.


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